An Encounter
by LoveforCarter
Summary: What happens when Carla Connor and Peter Barlow unexpectedly bump into each other?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is my first go at** **fan fiction, but I've had this idea since the Carter scene on 26/12/17 aired. First chapter is from Carla's perspective/stream of consciousness.**

An Encounter

Chapter 1

 **Carla's p.o.v:**

It's funny how one minute I was bantering with Michelle, Aidan and Yasmine; the next I was stood in front of a face of the past… Well, my past even.

Being faced with him. Unexpectedly. I stood as rigid as a soldier, my whole body stiff. My blood ran cold as my mind flashed back to the life we once shared. Together.

It had been such a long time since our last encounter. Back then I had the sassy one-liners, the confident bravado – never struggling to come up with a quick-witted conversation starter. But now, I felt stunned into silence. I had so much to say to him, and yet no words escaped my lips, other than a pathetic little 'hi', to which he mirrored. 'You look well', I politely added, while mentally kicking myself. I surprised myself with this comment… Carla Connor attempting small talk. Who would've seen that coming? Certainly not Michelle, anyway, as I gaged her reaction out of the corner of my eye. I felt the urge, the desire almost to invite him to have breakfast with Michelle and I at Roy's – where we were headed before bumping into him. The notion to ask him seemed so natural; if only the words had been there. If I'd had the courage to ask him. But I couldn't. I was rendered incapable as he stood before me. A face that I had believed would forever remain in the past. I think I was in initial shock. I was shocked as it dawned on me that we had moved on, or life had… We were in entirely different chapters of our lives. As I glimpsed at him, my heart was sent into a frenzy. My racing heartbeat made my attempt at an amiable conversation all the more laboured and strained.

As the seconds passed, I became more aware of the dying conversation. Yet I didn't have the heart to walk away. There was something telling me to salvage this moment. While my mind was tortured with this lingering thought, my stomach flipped as I noticed the expression on his face. Even he didn't seem to expect our brief encounter. His dumbfounded disposition explained this; his lack of dialogue also seemed to emphasised this. He didn't need to say anything. I just knew.

I became hypnotised by his eyes; slowly being drawn in by them… Chocolate brown. Endearing. I never could resist them. I felt weak as I gazed into them; something those eyes had the power to do. Even now... And as I looked into my ex-lover's eyes, it made me realise how different things could have been... Perhaps in another life... And yet, while I briefly considered this, I didn't feel bitter. How could I? It was a long time ago.

In an attempt to sustain the conversation, I congratulated him on becoming a dad again. He had little to say on the matter, and before I knew it he was making his excuses and walking away from me, without a proper farewell, as if I were a stranger. He plodded along, travelling down the dreary cobbles; reflecting the thudding of my heart. My breath hitched in my throat as I turned to see where he was headed. But before I even had the chance to drink in his silhouette, he had vanished.

Had it not been for this stilted encounter, it wouldn't have occurred to me _just_ how small Coronation Street was, which seemed extremely naïve as I was no stranger to the street. There was nowhere to hide. Therefore, it increased my chances of seeing him again. I was hoping sooner rather than later.

My thoughts were brought to a halt when I heard Chelle commenting on how awkward that had been: for her, or for me? Nevertheless, I succeeded in brushing her off, for now. However, the companionable silence that followed only encouraged me to overthink more and more into the re-encounter that had just played out.

It plagued my thoughts for the rest of day - Peter's demeanour. How distant he appeared. I was a tad let down by his lack of enthusiasm to see me. To appear so withdrawn – it just wasn't him… Or at least the man I had once known. Something was niggling at me, telling me there was something wrong. Was he drinking again? It concerned me. If he was, it certainly wouldn't be the first time he'd fallen off the wagon. He looked like a man who was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. This was evident in his physical appearance. He looked unkempt: unshaven, wearing a tracksuit, and donning a baseball cap. Where was his signature leather jacket? He barely resembled the man I had once passionately fallen in love with; the man I had wholeheartedly wanted to spend the rest of my life with; the only man I ever married out of genuine love. Although I can't say that it was always perfect. There were certainly some dark and testing times inflicted on us, but I had always convinced myself that all that was thrown at us made us tenacious; defined us as a couple. Even so, I had my limits… An affair and a murder inquiry was just too much strain on our marriage. It broke me to walk away, but I was hurt. No, in fact scrub that, I'm still hurting. I'd obviously just learned at how to cope. I'd managed to put a sticking plaster over my heartache. Until today. Since being reunited with Peter, the plaster was instantaneously torn from the wound it had been covering, bringing everything back up to the surface.

Perhaps if he were out of sight he'd be out of mind I'd be able to block those feelings out. That I'd be able to pretend everything that happened hadn't actually happened to me... Who was I kidding though? I'd only be lying to myself. Of course he entered my thoughts from time to time. How couldn't he after all we'd been through? November was always tough. It was the hardest. It made me reflect over the past. That was the month in which our baby girl would have been born, had she lived. I often thought of her: where she was now, and where she should be. The what could-have been... These last three years should have been filled with love, laughter and fun. Showing my girl off to the world, whether it had been with or without Peter. I've always wondered if he ever harbours the same tortured thoughts… -

'Carla…. Carla…. Carla…. Earth to Carla'. My thoughts were interrupted by Michelle. As she brought me back to the present, I realised where I was. Roy's Rolls, having breakfast. I glanced down at the mug of coffee and full English breakfast that sat before me, noticing it for the first time. I saw Michelle's plate in front of her, the only difference being her plate had been cleared.

'Sorry, Chelle. I was miles away.'

'You alright babe?'

'Why wouldn't I be', I swerved the question.

'You haven't touched any of your food. Your coffee… it's cold'.

'Just been a bit distracted. I'm fine'.

The rest of the day, Peter dominated my thoughts. Everywhere I looked, all I could see was his face. Even when I bowled into bed that night. As soon as I closed my eyes all I could see was him. All I could see was Peter Barlow. He was haunting my thoughts. It began to make me wonder more about his wellbeing... the ungroomed and exhausted face I saw early that day. It worried me a little. Was he happy? He had looked far from it. Perhaps it was just the shock of seeing me. I certainly felt it; and I couldn't blame him for feeling the same way… All these thoughts buzzed in my head, disrupting me from some much needed sleep. My stomach flipping just as it had earlier, when the constant thoughts of Peter Barlow flooded my mind, making me realise that I had to stick around. As much as I wanted to run – something I was pretty good at doing – I had to remain in Weatherfield. There were so many reasons I needed to be here. I needed people around me. I needed a distraction. I needed Roy, my family, Peter. I grimaced, feeling slightly uneasy that he had abruptly become a reason to stay. After an all-but-two second conversation… If you could even call it a conversation. But I had more important things to worry about. And I couldn't continue hating him forever. That would be mentally and physically exhausting... Especially if I was going to be bumping into him more often. I couldn't run now. My heart, my body, my mind wouldn't be able to take it. I couldn't walk away. Now that he'd managed to re-enter my life, I couldn't bear the thought of never seeing him again. Once was painful enough.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: This chapter is now from Peter's stream of consciousness/perspective. Also, a big big thank you to dipdipdip for the review - its much appreciated!**

Chapter 2

Peter's p.o.v:

I was exhausted. No surprise there, not like I'd got much kip. I was strung out; I was filled with guilt. All this nonsense with Billy and my attempt at avenging Susan's death. I'd been nothing but an idiot. I lashed out and my plan had gone so wrong. Worst of all I couldn't find it in me to confess all to Toyah. So much for us having no secrets.

As soon as I'd woke this morning, I felt just as awful as I had done the previous day. I needed to clear my head and get things into perspective. I needed out of the house. I couldn't stand to be inside stewing all day. I longed fresh air. Good idea, Peter, I thought to myself. You may as well feed your caffeine addiction while you're out. That'll help you to freshen up. No doubt Roy will be able to sort me out with something strong.

The walk from the Rovers to café dragged. For as close as it was, it could've been miles away. Suppose that was that state of my head after the events of yesterday. God, forget the coffee – a large scotch is what I needed. At least that would help me forget the catastrophic events of Christmas Day. However, I soon abandoned this thought. I couldn't just give in to the drink. I'd been doing so well. And I'd learnt the hard way due to my alcoholism. All I'd lost as a result of drinking copious amounts… And not being able to stop had devastated the cosy little life I used to have. The life I had once loved.

Upon entering the café, I had hoped it would've been busier, meaning I'd be waiting for some time for my order. It would also give me some form of distraction from the torturous thoughts that were all encompassing. Unfortunately, most of the street must have been tucked up in their warm beds, most feeling rough from the previous night. That was something he would no longer be a victim of. At least that was one incentive of being teetotal. According to Shona, I was the first customer of the day and was served within seconds. I waved goodbye as I left with polystyrene cup in hand. I was already dreading the lonesome walk home. The only company being my guilty conscience. However, I was pulled from my thoughts as I yanked the café door open. Suddenly, my whole body shook as I saw a face I was least expecting to be met with. It was only Carla Connor.

Was I hallucinating? Was it really her? It was really her! I was stunned like a deer caught in the headlights. It had been three years without contact and there she stood, smiling at me with her luxuriously large lips. And yet her eyes looked sad. Her emerald gems told me how she truly felt. They could never fool me. She looked much the same as she had three years ago, and yet looked so different. She appeared to give off an unusual aura. Not the usual Carla. I wanted to speak, but I didn't know what to say… Whereas three years ago I wouldn't have needed to think about what to say to her. When I was in her company everything felt right. However, stand there, I was so frightened to say the wrong thing… After all this time. And especially with Michelle's burning stare. standing by her side.

'Hi,' she said, attempting to start a conversation.

'Hi'.

'You look well'. God this was _awful_. Not how I ever imagined the conversation would go. It was like pulling teeth. Small talk had never been either of our strong points. And I wasn't making matters easy for her, giving abrupt responses. Perhaps I was behaving in this way due to the last twenty-four hours. But that wasn't Carla's fault. I shouldn't be taking it out on her. I could feel her teasing the conversation out. She confessed that she had heard about mine and Toyah's baby news. God that was the last thing on my mind. How could I bring a baby into my family with all this mess that had arisen?! And it hurt, the way she harped on about life revolving around babies. I could hear the pain in her voice. And for that, it made it all the harder to keep the conversation going. So I ended it. I excused myself and walked away. It was that easy… Ha, that's what I'd try to tell myself anyway. When in reality I was raging at myself for being so evasive towards her. Towards my ex-wife. Ex-lover. One of many, admittedly, but she would always be special. We knew each other inside out. We were like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle: we didn't work alone; but together, we fit. A perfect match. Still could've been if I hadn't been such an egotistical cheating bastard. I ruined us. No, I totally obliterated us. All of a sudden it didn't matter how much chemistry had been there. It was nothing to do with love; it was trust. I deceived her and in the end she couldn't _trust_ me. And I'd been suffering ever since. That's the least I deserved, whereas she deserved nothing but happiness. I'm certain she'd never have to look far for love and adoration. I mean, one glimpse at her after three years and I was mesmerised; just as I had been many lives ago. She still had the same effect on me: she made my heart beat like a drum.

I wish I could rewind and play out our encounter all over again. I would've behaved so differently. It's just… I've had so much on my mind… And then there she appeared before me. Immediately all my guilt and fears had vanished as she became my main focus. I just needed a chance to rectify my mistake. To make her see that it wasn't anything she'd done… I'd hate her to think I was rendered miserable at the sight of her.

Once I returned home, I was ready to open the bar. It was time to think about work, but I couldn't just erase her from my thoughts like that. She often wandered through my consciousness and I knew it would take days for her to disappear from my thoughts. And in the most masochistic way possible, I didn't want her to vanish from my tortured thoughts. There I wanted her to remain, but not just in mind; in body, too. Now I'd seen her, no matter how brief it had been, I craved her presence. I desired to be given the chance to drink in all her features again. Remind himself of her striking beauty. If anyone could read my mind, they'd think I was cheating. I have a girlfriend. She should be who I'm thinking of. But things were different with Carla. We were spiritually connected; two halves of a whole. And seeing her again, riled up all the feelings I thought I'd laid to rest.

As the day wore on, I couldn't shake the image of Carla off. Everywhere I looked, I could picture her. I saw her everywhere I looked. I could see her sitting in a number of the booths, standing at the bar, heading to the toilet… I could even see her in the back room. I shuddered as I was reminded of the last time we were in that room together. I had been desperate to show I still loved her. I begged like a dog. If that doesn't convince anyone how intense my feelings were, then I don't know what would.

* * *

Days crept by and I hadn't seen her since our initial encounter. Where was she? Had she left town? Was she avoiding me? I couldn't help all these thoughts swarming through my mind. I was stood behind the bar… It was pre-lunchtime rush and I had nothing but my thoughts to occupy me until two brunettes walked through the door – Carla and Michelle. My heart was in my mouth. There she stood before me for a second time in the past week.

'Orange juice, please'. She smiled right at me. I returned the courtesy.

'I know its early, but I'm gonna have a cheeky gin n' tonic', Michelle said. Her request was followed by Carla asking me if I knew anything to do with the Police knocking at Eileen's door. Michelle muttered something about Todd's disappearance. Instantly filled with guilt, I spat an irritated response, quashing the conversation. As I turned away from the women, I couldn't help feeling like I'd ruined our second encounter due to my erratic mood. Again, I'd messed up… While I poured the drinks, it baffled me that Carla ordered an orange. How ominous… This only encouraged me to quiz all possibilities for her not drinking. For Carla it was never too early for a glass of red. So what was up? Could it be dry January, cutting down on booze, or she… Could she be pregnant? The latter seemed the most plausible as far as Carla was concerned. But then I was only thinking of the Carla I _knew,_ not who she _is now_. Nevertheless, I was determined to find out.

* * *

As it hit twelve o'clock, the afternoon shift staff had arrived – Eva and Sarah – meaning I could take a dinner break. Sitting in the back room with a strong black coffee and a copy of the gazette, I attempted not to let my mind falter to the disaster that was my life. I was clearly failing as I couldn't even get past the front headline without thinking what an arse I'd been to Carla, along with my qualms regarding Billy. If he didn't pull through, I knew that would be too much guilt to bear. I was brought out of my thoughts as the door to the back room creaked open. Expecting to be greeted by Toyah, I was taken aback when none other than Carla Connor stood in my door way. Naturally, I grinned at her like a Cheshire cat which she took that as an invitation to enter.

'So the rumours are true. You do own this place', she playfully commented.

This is your chance, Peter, I thought to myself. Make things right. Apologise for being a complete and utter arse.

'So to what do I owe this pleasure?' I cockily responded as I put my paper down, folding my arms across my body, awaiting a response….


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Carla's p.o.v:

'To what do I owe this pleasure?' Peter quizzed me.

'Just having a bit of a mooch,' I bantered with him. 'I didn't believe Michelle when she told me you'd taken over this place'.

'Trust me, it's not the maddest thing to happen around here. Although I can't blame you being suspicious'.

'You're alright though, aren't you?' I checked, changing the subject. 'You're not back on the drink?'

'I'm not, no. I've come extremely close though, don't get me wrong… I've been to a ton of meetings this week. One nearly every day', he sighed.

'You never answered me question'.

'What one?' He was good, I thought. Almost as good as I was at avoiding things. Only I wasn't going to let him off the hook. I'd just repeat the question until I got a straight answer. 'I asked if you're okay'.

'I'm fine'.

'Just fine? Alright, well you know where I am if you ever wanna… _talk_ ', I assured him. I didn't want to push him. If he wanted to tell me, he would.

'I appreciate it. Anyway, enough about me, how about you? You okay?'

'Me? Well –' I stopped as I heard someone trundling downstairs. Whoever it was must've heard our endless chatter, as they entered the back room. Turning around, I was face to face with someone I'd never met before. Presumably this was Toyah, so I greeted her a friendly smile.

'Ah, Toyah this is Carla. Carla, Toyah'. I was right. It was his partner that stood puzzled to see me standing in her back room.

'Pleased to meet you', I said.

'Yeah I know who _she_ is', she said. Her tone had a sharp edge that was far from welcoming. However, I was willing to forget that as I could see her trying to make an effort with me. This became extremely apparent when she confessed she'd seen pictures of me… I think I heard her say I looked 'glamourous' which I slightly cringed at… She was trying too hard, bless her. Funny she'd seen pictures of me… Had Peter really gone through pictures of his ex-wife with his _current_ girlfriend? I suppose Peter must've given her chapter and verse of our shared past…

* * *

'I hear you're staying with Roy. It's absolutely awful what happened to him. Will you give him our love'? I nodded, trying to ignore Peter's immature sniggers that began to filter the room. Attempting to stifle his giggles, and failing, I had to address his childish behaviour.

'What's so funny?'

'It's just… You staying with Roy'.

'It's not weird ok,' I snapped. I knew what he was thinking.

'It is a bit', he mocked. But he wasn't done with his jibes. Far from it. 'Here, you might as well take some hotpot back to Roy's. Save him having to taste your cooking'.

'I'm not that bad'. I defended myself.

'Do you know what she used to do', he said involving Toyah in the conversation. 'She used to put pizza in the oven with the plastic cover still on'. He immediately burst into fits of laughter at the memory while Toyah feigned a smile.

'That was one time!' I mock-yelled at him, slightly embarrassed at the awful picture he was building up of me in front of his girlfriend. 'I hope he doesn't speak to you like this', I joked to Toyah.

'No, I don't because _at least_ she can butter bread'. While revealing my culinary errors, he winked at me. Winked. What was he after? He had a girlfriend. His wavering eye made me turn a shade of crimson. I prayed Toyah hadn't noticed his flirty behaviour. I was convinced she had though when she swiftly changed the subject from my cooking. 'Ehhh, has he offered you a tea or a coffee?' While I would've loved to sit and chat to Peter and catch up on old times, I didn't like the idea of prying ears listening and giving Peter a hard time afterwards once I'd left.

'No, I'm good thanks. I'm just gonna get off, anyway. Peter, hopefully catch you soon. Lovely to meet you, Toyah'. I smiled before making my way back through to the bar.

'And you.' I heard her coldly respond, loud enough that I heard her as I headed back into the pub. I crept up behind Michelle, seeing she was still perched by the bar.

'Boo!' I shouted, tickling her sides from behind. She turned round, extremely pleased to see me by the look that was spread on her face.

'About time! You were gone ages! What were you doing through there anyway?' At the risk of any nosy parkers listening in, I said I wanted to go. She had long since finished her drink and had been waiting for me, so she was happy to oblige.

Walking out onto the street I said, 'Chelle, look I don't wanna be rude but I should really go and check up on Roy. I'm worried he'll be worrying about me'.

'Of course. You get off, Car. I should think about getting home - I need a shower before my shift.'

'You're working tonight?'

'Evening shift, yeah. Oh the joys'. She rolled her eyes. 'Anyway, I'll see ya'.

'Bye', I called. She blew me a kiss as she headed in the opposite direction.

* * *

Heading upstairs to the poky flat, I could see Roy sitting on his sofa, reading a pamphlet with great interest. 'Hi Roy'. He jumped at the sound of my voice, rather on edge, which was no surprise after what he'd recently been through. 'Oh my god, Roy, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to give you a fright'.

'That is quite alright'.

'What you got there?' I said, joining him on the sofa. Taking the leaflet out of his hands, I was overcome by a wave of nausea as I read the words: **Living With Chronic Kidney Disease (CKD).** 'Since you don't seem to be taking responsibility for your health, I have sought to endeavour what your next steps are… You need to start facing up to this, Carla. You cannot simply bury your head in the sand forever. In fact, you haven't got forever if you carry on behaving like this'.

'Wow. You're being rather frank'.

'The longer you delay -'

'- I know!' I was so frustrated with him. Because I knew he was right, but also because I hated him making decisions for me.

'I'm not going anywhere', I promised as I put an arm around him.

'You cannot guarantee that until you start to face facts. You have kidney failure. You need to get registered at the medical centre. You require regular appointments, you-'

' - I get it! Ok I get it', I interrupt him. Before I even realise, I begin to sob. Ugly, hot, wet tears. 'Roy I know I need to do all these things. It's just… My heads a mess. You don't want to know what goes on in there. And along with that, I'm sore… My ankles ache – they're so swollen I can't even fit into my Jimmy Choos anymore. On top of that, I'm tired. All the time – doesn't matter how much sleep I get. I know I need to tell my family… I just can't bear the thought of the pity I'll get from them. I'm the one that's always been the strong one, the one to lean on in a state of crisis. They'll fall apart and I don't think I can sit and watch that happen. So there. That's why I've been a chicken. I know time is running away. I haven't got much time. I need to sort this, because if there is one thing I know, its this: I don't want to die. I haven't gone through turmoil and heartache all my life not to survive this'.

'Then you know what you've got to do'.

'I know', I whispered as I bawled like a baby. Tears spurting from my eyes. I had finally confessing that I am ill and I need help. Something I was never very good at asking for. Overcome with emotion, I collapsed into Roy's arms as he held me. Admittedly awkwardly. Roy struggled with emotions. Nevertheless, he persevered his own discomfort for the sake of mine. He was there. He didn't say anything. He just let me cry, and for that I was eternally grateful.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Carla's p.o.v:

The next morning, upon entering the living area of Roy's flat, the whiff of freshly brewed coffee filled my nostrils. 'Good morning, Roy'.

'Ah, Carla. Good morning. I've made some toast and there's coffee's in the pot. Help yourself to any condiments that you may require. If you need me, I will be working downstairs', he informed me, smiling as he headed downstairs. I released a sigh of relief. Relief that he hadn't brought up our conversation last night… The one where I cried like a baby as he held me, soothing me. What a great man he was. He had made me realise that maybe I don't need to be the strong one, for once. That I wasn't as resilient as I had once thought. That I _did_ need support. And while my family might fall apart at the news, I had Roy. He would allow me to lean on him while I was feeling so vulnerable. He would get me through this. He was so strong. The things he'd been through in his lifetime… The heartache of Hayley dying. He probably couldn't bear to lose another loved one – and no wonder. I had to do this for him – as well as for myself.

Today was the day. Today I would tell them all.

As I sipped my coffee, I drafted a text message to the Connor Family group chat, to make sure they were all available this evening - I had something urgent to tell them. Finally, I pressed send and soon enough, the messages started piling in. Three o'clock at Johnny's flat. Rolling my sleeve up, I glanced at my watch. 9.30 AM. Five and a half hours and the secret's out.

If I was going to keep a clear head and hold my nerve, I needed a distraction. But everyone was busy. Roy was working, as were most of my family members. So I considered a walk might be just what I'd needed. How wrong I'd been…. I didn't realise how tired I would get from doing something so trivial as walking. Perhaps I'd been pushing myself too hard. 'Bloody kidneys', I grumbled under my breath. Just when I felt normal for a split second, and then I was reminded of my invisible illness. Upon reaching a park bench, I took a seat. Relieving the pressure from my throbbing ankles was liberating. Glancing around, I noticed where I was. The precinct. My surroundings so familiar. Nothing seemed to have changed in Weatherfield.

I was enjoying my serene surroundings, watching the many people who passed by. However, I was startled by one passerby who approached me. I was alarmed at the attire they donned. A fluorescent lightweight running jacket, black running lycra leggings, trainers. It was Peter. 'We really ought to stop meeting like this', I smirked before laying into him about his running regalia. 'New look you're going for? Because I'll be honest, yellow is _so_ not your colour, Barlow'.

Laughing, he said, 'Oh no? I thought it brought out the colour in me eyes'.

'What's the outfit in aid of?'

'Toyah bought it me. She reckons I ought to exercise more, smoke less. She's determined to keep me young'.

'Oh and where's the fun in that? We've all got our vices….' Mine used be a large glass of red.

'You're telling me', he huffed. 'Mind if I sit?' He asked gesturing to the bench I sat on.

'Be my guest', I grinned, glad of the company.

'Yeah, well she thinks I'm getting right into the running. Little does she know, I leg it out of the street until I'm out of her eyeshot', he admits.

'What and she doesn't suspect anything?'

'Not a clue. I suppose lying is something that comes easy to me…. Second nature. Not that I don't feel full of guilt when she asks how my run went.'

'Yeah, you're not the only one lying comes second nature to', I muttered under my breath.

'What was that?'

'Nothing', I say forcing a smile. 'So what do you do to fill the time you're 'running'?' I asked, making air quotes with my fingers.

'I just wander about for an hour or so, grab a coffee from one of those cafes'. He pointed across the road from where we were sitting, revealing a row of small businesses. Suddenly rising from the bench, standing in front of me, he asked, 'So you comin'?'

'Comin' where?'

'Well I haven't been for my coffee. And if you come, I won't have to sit alone, watching the world go by. Come on, you'll be doing me a massive favour. I'll even buy your coffee... If you're lucky'.

'Ever the gentleman, Barlow', I teased. Toying with the idea of going for coffee with my ex, or sitting out here trying not to think of my debilitating disease... It certainly didn't take me long to make my mind up. Rising from the wooden bench, he held his arm out for me to take. Linking mine through his, we headed for coffee. Well... What harm could it do? It was only coffee.

'Running', he laughed as we crossed the road, 'I'd rather have a burger', he said flashing me his cheeky chappy grin. In that moment I was able to forget all my troubles as he made me feel like I was on cloud nine. Just like the old times.

* * *

I was in total bliss. Sitting in a rustic arm chair, opposite Peter, and drinking coffee. What's not to love? We were reminiscing and catching up on the last three years of our lives.

'Here, you better not let onto Roy I've been buying my coffee from the competition. I might not have a home to go back to', I joked.

'My lips are sealed', he said, flashing me wink. Another one. Why did I get the vague impression that he was attempting to flirt with me? Perhaps it was just part of his ever charming yet cheeky personality. Changing the direction of the conversation, he said, 'You know what?'

'What's that?' I asked inquisitively.

'This is so nice'.

'Is that the coffee or the company you're referring to?' I cheekily quizzed.

'Well… Both I suppose', he said raising his eyebrows in a comical fashion. Pausing, he leant forward, placing a hand atop of one of mine. I frowned, desperate to find out what was going through his mind. I couldn't help but feel he was coming on to me. It is Peter after all. 'No, but really… All jokes aside, Carla, this has been lovely. I'm just glad you can stand to speak to me y'know, after everything…' His voice trailed off.

'Peter, that's in the past. Dead and buried. Ok?' I didn't want to be going into our past demeanours. Not now.

'Ok. Well, I just wanted you to know'.

'I appreciate it'. I smiled hoping we could return back to the ever flowing banter that had been disturbed by this serious topic. Determined to get it back on track, I asked, 'So you looking forward to becoming a dad again? You didn't sound too keen the other day when I asked, but maybe I just caught you off guard. I mean, I was probably the last face you were expecting to see when you came flying out the cafe'.

'You're telling me', he huffed. 'Toyah really wants this y'know. She's had so many failed rounds of IVF… It's been hard for her'.

'That's not what I asked though, is it?' He was trying to avoid my questions. Again. And I wasn't having it. 'So I'm gonna ask you again… Are you looking forward to becoming a dad again?'

He knew he couldn't corner my question a second time round, so he sighed in defeat. 'I don't know. I feel like it couldn't come at a worse time. I'm in a bit of a muddle right now… And I don't know how to get out of it'. I placed my free hand over his that was placed on top of mine. Giving it a hard squeeze, encouraging him to open up. He knew. He didn't need me to tell him to continue. 'I wouldn't wanna burden you with my troubles, Carla'.

'Oh please. It's not as if I've got anything else to do. I'm here… As a friend, I mean'.

'Right, well….'

* * *

It was hard to tell how long we'd be sat for; how many cups of coffee we'd drank; how many tissues I'd offered to him. Comfort. That's what he was in need of. A baby, on the other hand… That was most definitely that last thing he needed to add to the mix. He was in an almighty mess. He told me about discovering Susan's killer. Billy. Who would've thought it? He then confessed what he'd done. 'I didn't mean to. I didn't want to hurt him. Carla, if there's one thing I want you to know, it's this: I had no intention to cause him any harm - I didn't lay a finger on him. I just wanted… I don't know… I wanted to frighten him', he said whispering the last part as his voice croaked. Immediately tears spilled from his eyes. Instinctively, I dived into my handbag in search of fresh tissues before dabbing his salty tears. I found myself pressing a delicate kiss to his forehead. What did I do that for? I wanted to comfort him. And that was the only way I knew how to. I didn't have the words to convince him that everything would be okay, because I couldn't kid a kidder. Yet he didn't even flinch when I pressed my lips to his forehead. Nevertheless, I was still mortified at my own actions, so spoke up, asking, 'What does Toyah think about all this?' He was still bawling, struggling speak in coherent sentences. He was a wreck.

'Well, that's the thing – she doesn't know anything about it'. He struggled for breath as he attempted to continue.

'Alright. Alright. Peter, can you do something for me?'

'Anything', he murmured.

'I need you to calm down'. I soothed him, running my hands through his hair, my fingers scratching at his scalp. Something I used to do, to calm him. I hadn't realised I'd done it. It had done it subconsciously. Yet it just felt so natural.

'I don't think I can'.

'I'm here', I whispered. And I meant it. Suddenly, he bolted upright, taking hold of my hands in his own. Both of us looking intent upon one another. 'Toyah would be too if you told her', I assured him. His shaky breathing had begun to return to normal. The odd tear still trickling from his eye.

He was shaking his head. 'No, Carla. No, she wouldn't... She wouldn't. And do you know why? Carla, she's not you', he said. I was stunned in an instant. What was going on?

'Well, no… She's Toyah', I joked hoping to lift his spirits.

'Stop it. Stop being smart', he spat. Taken aback, I pulled my hands away from his, folding my arms across my chest. I was only trying to help and I seemed to be getting it thrown back in my face. 'Sorry', he said sullenly as his head dropped in shame. I leant in towards him, using a thumb and forefinger to raise his head up. He had no choice - he was forced to look directly into my eyes. 'She'll fly off the handle if I tell her. It would wreck her; turn her world upside down. She doesn't need that. She's busy enough. And could you imagine how that conversation would go? Oh Toyah, on Christmas Day do you remember how I went AWOL? Well that's because I was busy terrorising Billy, because it turns out he left my twin sister to die in a car crash. Also, while I'm telling you this, I may as well be honest... this baby we're having… I don't really want it. And to top it all off I'm still in love with my ex-wife'. I thought I had misheard the last sentence to pass his lips.

'What did you just say?'

'I said that I'm still in love with my ex-wife'. He paused before clarifying, 'with you'. Brown eyes studied me, attempting to gage my response.

'Where has this come from?'

'Since I bumped into you outside Roy's. I was stunned. In that moment I had so much to say to you and yet I couldn't find it in me to say all the things I'd hoped to say'. Funny that I'd felt the same way. Maybe I wasn't completely over him either. But, I couldn't admit this at this precise moment. I didn't fancy confessing that I still held a torch for him. It wasn't right. He was feeling low and I'd be taking advantage of his vulnerability

* * *

Looking at my watch it read 2.45 PM. I needed to get back home. I'd made a promise to myself, and to Roy. Yet, here I was trying to sort someone else's problems out. How ironic that I couldn't seem to prioritise my own as easily. 'Listen, Peter. I'm your friend. Of course you can talk to me, but please speak to Toyah. The longer you delay, the more catastrophic the result. Leave it too long and you'll destroy her.' I sighed, sympathising with her. I had once been that woman he had kept the truth from. 'Anyway, I need to be getting back to the street'.

'Hot date?' He attempted to joke, but it came out in a rather defeated tone.

'Ha, I'd be so lucky… No, Family meeting'

'Oh, right. Nothing too heavy I hope?' He asked as we began the walk back to Coronation Street. Arm in arm.

'We'll soon see', I sighed. He thought he was the only one with problems. 'How will you explain where you've been all this time?'

'I'll just say I bumped into an old friend. I wouldn't entirely be lying'.

The conversation between us became more subdued as we neared the street. 'Can we do this again?' he asked. 'Coffee and a chat? Next time I'll let you offload though. Promise'.

'I'll hold you to that. You've got my number'. He shone a toothy grin at my response.

'That's right', he said. 'Come here', he said opening up his arms inviting me for a hug to which I accepted. No longer feeling scared. I felt safe as he held me in the middle of the deserted street. His arms warm, protecting me from the cold and blustery wind. In that moment I was reminded of good times. Past memories. I don't know what had come over me. But, before long, he was letting go, the warmth of his body escaping me. I glanced up at his face, as it neared closer towards mine. What was he doing now? No, oh god no. He was going in for a kiss, and while I considered pulling away - I couldn't. The impact of his all too familiar lips plunging against mine. Soft yet seductive. As if we had never been apart. Yet I pulled away, despite not wanting to. I had to as much for him as myself. Nothing was said. We just stood stock still. Unable to decipher one another's feelings.

'I've got to go', I said as I fled down the cobbles, leaving him stood in the street. Alone.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: This chapter continues on from where the previous one finishes. Also a big thank you for the reviews - I hope people are enjoying my writing.**

Chapter 5

Carla's p.o.v:

That was the last thing I needed. Today of all days. Honestly, I don't think I have any self-control where that man is concerned. Everything was a mess. But, hopefully after today I could begin getting things back on track. I just had the small matter of having to tell my family that I've been suffering from kidney failure and forgot to mention it… Oh, and that yours truly needs you all to get screened. And just to top it all off, if you are a match, I'm gonna ask you to go through a rigorous operation in order for me to survive. Great. Just great. Sensitivity was never one of my personal strengths, so it would be interesting to see how this conversation goes.

Today has been a whirlwind. So much has happened in such a short space of time, and the day wasn't over yet. I thought this as I trundled towards the Victoria Court flats. Arriving outside the main entrance, I pressed the button that read 'J. Connor'. Without much hesitation, Johnny buzzed me up. I decided on the lift instead of the stairs I would usually opt for. I was knackered. I really could be doing without having to do this. I just wanted sleep. Although I was aware that no amount of sleep would make me any better. A kidney on the other hand, would. I had to do this. It was now or never.

* * *

Stepping out of the lift, I noticed the door to Johnny's flat stood ajar. I peeked through the crack, seeing everyone was already here. Johnny, Jenny, Aidan, Kate and Michelle. Everyone waited.

'Oh, here she is', Johnny sang as I walked over the threshold.

'About flippin' time, what took you?' Michelle moaned.

'Right then, love, what you having to drink?' Johnny asked. Looking around at all my loved ones present and correct sitting at the breakfast bar, I noticed each of them occupying a drink. Michelle and Kate had their usual glass of red – oh how I envied them both! Jenny opted for a glass of white wine; while the men sat supping from bottles of lager. I then I realised how difficult it would be to get round not having a drink. Without enough time to come up with a believable excuse, I just turned to Johnny and said, 'I'm fine as I am'.

'Carla, Michelle and I have opened a bottle of red – there's plenty to go round if you want a glass', Kate offered.

'Yeah, of course. Help yourself Car'. Michelle nodded.

'Thanks, but-'

'- Oh come on, you know you want to', joked Aidan. Truth is I _did_ want one; but I couldn't. 'Roy hasn't got you on a drinking ban while you're stopping at his, has he? Have a drink, he's never find out from me'.

'Right that's sorted. Glass of red?' Johnny shifted from his seat to retrieve a wine glass.

'I've already said – I don't want a drink. Thanks but no thanks'.

'You can't not have one… I think I've still got some coffee in the pot from earlier it'll no doubt still be hot, or I can make you a fresh –' Jonny's fussing was interrupted by his wife, who had remained silent upon my entrance.

'- Johnny leave the poor girl alone - she's only just walked through the door! If she doesn't want a drink, she doesn't have to have one. Anyway, if she changes her mind, Carla knows to help herself'. I smiled in her direction, silently thanking her for quashing their harassments.

'Anyway… I wanted to get us all together because I've got something I need to tell you all'. As I sat at the head of the table, feeling their stares on me, I could see them straining as they endeavoured to work out what the announcement was. The suspense must've been killing them. I could see it in their faces - especially Aidan's. He wasn't exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer… His pensive disposition exposed this - bless him.

'Have you changed your mind?' Aidan almost jumped for joy. 'Are you really gonna team up with me and Alya get Underworld back on its feet? Oh sis, that is just the best news ever!' He leapt out his seat, hurtling towards me as he flung his arms around me. 'I knew you'd change your mind. Ahh, you're just the best!'

'Aidan would you get off me!' I felt suffocated from his tight embrace. He seemed taken aback by my cold response. 'If you'd flamin' listen to what I've got to say, you'd find out that I am not going to help you. I've told you already – sort it yourself'. I sighed, looking at the defeated expression that washed over his face as he shuffled back to his seat. 'Sorry Aid. That was a bit harsh'.

'No matter', he said, refusing to make eye contact with me.

I opened my mouth, finally ready to explain myself. Anxiety building within me as I neared closer to confessing. However, just as I was about to start, Michelle interrupted me. 'Hang on a minute. So, if it's not that…' she thought aloud. '... You're off the drink, you look peaky… Oh my god, Carla!' she screamed, her voice almost perforating my eardrums. 'Why did you lie to me?'

Shit. My heart thumped. How did she know? Roy hadn't blabbed, had he?

'I'm sorry. I just didn't know how to tell you'. This time, it was Michelle's turn to pounce on me. Standing by my side at the head of the table, beaming, she gleefully announced, 'She's only flamin' pregnant, isn't she? That's why she hasn't been drinking'. Instantly the room was filled with joyful elation. My jaw dropped. I gawped at them all. How wrong they had got it. Moments later Johnny approached me, putting an arm around my waist. 'Congratulations darling. I can't tell you how happy I am for you. Make sure you put me and granny Jenny down for a spot of baby-sitting'.

'Eyyy you, enough of that granny. I'm not old enough to be a granny', she jested.

I was truly and utterly lost for words. This couldn't have gone any worse. How could I tell them now? With Aidan still in a massive strop; Michelle and Kate fiddling with the sound system; while Johnny and Jenny embraced one another as they soaked in the 'good news'. I didn't know what to do. I felt like a spare part, like this wasn't really happening to me. Was this just a bad dream I'd soon wake up from? I couldn't sure in that moment. The only thing I was certain of was that I needed out of here. And quick. I needed someone who'd understand. But who? If I told Roy, he'd probably tell me that I'd made matters worse, that I should've told them sooner. And he'd be right.

This was all my fault.

While they were all occupied in someway, I took the opportunity to work out an escape route. Nobody seemed to notice, until the bloody door creaked as I flung it open, bringing everyone's attention back to the present. 'Ey, where do you think you're sloping off to? We're celebrating. This is fantastic news! I'm going to be an auntie!' Kate chirped, before bombarding me with questions such as, 'How far gone are ya? Have you had a scan yet? Boy or girl?'

'Never mind that, babe. I want to know who the dad is. Carla, not anyone we know is it?' Michelle inquired. Nosy and inquisitive as ever.

'I… I… I've got to go'. I legged it as quick as I could, practically leaping into the lift before any of them could stop me.

'Carla'. I heard my dad shout as the doors of the lift closed. And as soon as I was on my own I allowed myself to break down. Tears cascaded down my face. Tears of shame and embarrassment. And in that instance the only person I wanted to turn to was Roy. In fact, I'd been relying too much on him since my diagnosis. But I couldn't. I was on a final warning with him, and if I were to return to his and confess that I actually hadn't managed to tell the Connors, he'd probably give me the silent treatment. I couldn't bear the disappointment that would adorn his face. There was literally no one to turn to.

* * *

As I wandered out of the Victoria Court flats, descending into the dark of night, I pondered where to go next… Usually when something bad happened, I'd run. But I couldn't do that. Not even for the want of trying, though. I was exhausted. I was tired of running. For a split second, I deliberated going to Roy's flat, but I knew that wouldn't be a wise decision. It was still early enough for him to be awake, and I knew he'd be keen to discover how I'd got on at Johnny's. I couldn't go back up to Johnny's flat – that's for sure. So instead, I aimlessly ambled the length of the street as I thought what was best to do. My attention wavered from my current situation, however, when I noticed smoke filtering through the air. I followed the direction of the thick cloud of smoke, until I found myself standing in the back yard of the Rovers Return, where Peter stood alone smoking a cigarette. 'Carla?' He squinted in the dark. 'Thank god its you! If Toyah had caught me having a fag, I'd be a dead man!'

I didn't dare utter a word before collapsing into floods of tears. Now it was my turn to breakdown.

'Hey, hey. Come here', he said as he stubbed out his cigarette. Immediately I ran into the safety of his arms. 'You're alright', he soothed me just as I had done to him earlier that day. He rocked me from side to side. God I was getting good at this crying malarkey. 'Shhh. That's it'. It had been so long since someone had held me in this way. With such care. I began to calm down just from his touch and his voice. I still didn't dare to speak, I couldn't trust my voice not to crumble. 'It's freezing out ere. Come on, let's get you inside', he said guiding me indoors.

He led me through to the back room, directing me to the rugged sofa. 'Can I get you something to drink, love?' He knelt in front of me. 'Brew? I know I could murder a cuppa' I nodded. 'Tea makes everything better'.

Minutes later and he returned with two ceramic mugs in one hand and a box of tissues in the other. He placed all three items on the coffee table in front of me before planting himself next to me on the sofa. Instinctively I picked up the mug that sat before me, taking a sip of the tea. I liked the way the steaming liquid managed to heat me up, feeling the beverage warm my insides, giving me some form of comfort.

'Thank you', I said, gesturing towards the tea.

'The least I could do. Especially after today. You've been brilliant. I mean, I was so wrapped up in me own problems I never even bothered to ask you how you are. And by the looks of things, you could've done with a shoulder to cry on', he said while offering me a paper tissue from the box. Attempting a smile, I accepted before dabbing at my eyes.

'What use would that've been if we had both been bubbling into our coffees'. He chuckled as he heard the subtle humour in my voice. He shuffled closer to me. Aware of how intimate this may appear were someone to walk in on us, so I pulled away and asked, 'Where's Toyah?'

'Don't worry about her – she's gone over to Charlton to stay this night with the surrogate mother… She shouldn't be back until tomorrow'. He paused before swiftly changing the direction of our conversation. 'Anyway, what's all this in aid of?' as his thumb stroked a solitary tear from my cheek. 'Hmm?'

'I've just been given the third degree off my family, please don't start', I mumbled barely audible. Yet, he still managed to decipher my wobbly register.

'Sorry. I'm not trying to interrogate you. I just hate seeing you like this. Always have', he admitted.

'I'm sorry', I whispered. I wasn't even sure why I had said it. Perhaps I was letting my emotions get the better of me.

'What are you sorry for?' He moved from me, taken aback. 'You've not done anything'.

'Maybe I should've fought harder for us. I know you hurt me, but maybe we could've... _tried_?' I questioned aloud.

'Where has all this come from Carla?' He asked, running a hand over my hair.

'Just everything you said this afternoon... None of whats happened would've happened if we hadn't split up... I've officially messed up, like end of the world messed up. I'm in such a muddle, Peter, and I don't know how to make it right... I think I'm too late to sort it. I mean – I tried and it seemed to backfire. My whole family… They think I'm pregnant. God, I don't know why I'm telling you all this. Why am I telling you this?'

'Carla, you're not making any sense. First you're saying we shouldn't have got a divorce; now you're talking about your family. Do you want to start again?'

'I wish it was that simple'. I cried as he wrapped his arms round me, attempting to calm me down… Again.

'Of course it is. Just tell me… From the beginning'. He nudged me along, giving me the confidence to speak to him. That's the thing with Peter, he always instilled me with confidence, making me feel like nothing was impossible. 'Take your time'.

'Well… Basically I've… I'm not drinking at the moment and my family reckon it's because I'm pregnant'.

'But you're not?' I violently shook my head.

'They didn't give me the chance to explain, they all just assumed. I was totally flabbergasted. Before I knew it they were all jumping about like jack-in-the-boxes and screaming to high heavens'.

'Then what happened?'

'Well, I thought about putting them straight… But I didn't have the heart. They were all so overjoyed. I've not seen them that happy in ages'.

'You do realise that you will have to eventually explain yourself'.

'Noooo', I sarcastically said, glaring at him. 'Of course I do, Sherlock. I just don't know how I'm going to do that. They'll be devastated'.

'Ah, I'm sure they'll get over it', he paused, 'eventually'.

'Oh you're really good at making a girl feel better about themselves'.

'Ha! Well, self-pity has never suited you'.

'Ooh, such a charmer', I fake punched him on the arm.

'Tough love, baby'.

'Ermmm excuse me?' I was stunned. What was he playing at?

'Carla, I –'

'Did you really just call me 'baby'? I mean, what's all that about? And earlier… When you kissed me. Care to explain that? Because it's been driving me mad'.

'Well I didn't hear you complaining at the time'. Embarrassed, I bolted towards the door in hope of making a safe escape. But, he was one step ahead of me, blocking my swift exit as he stood in front of the door. 'No, don't go. I didn't mean it to come out like that. Earlier, just being with you… It were like old times. As if we've never been apart. I can't say I was expecting this to happen at the rapid pace it has, but maybe it was bound to happen at some point. It's obvious that I'm attracted to you, and you must still bear some love for me. What we had, those feelings don't even just vanish, do they?'

'Peter, you can't go about saying these things to me - you've got a girlfriend!' I reminded him, all the while my stomach was performing summersaults. He still had such a desirable effect upon me. Even now, in the state I was currently in.

'I know. I know. I know'. He agreed. He knew I was right. 'But please just hear me out... That day I saw you and Michelle standing outside the café, I would've loved nothing more than to go for a walk, take you out to a nice restaurant where I could hold your hands and kiss you. You drive me crazy, Carla. Since then you've been on me mind... Constantly. I just can't get you out of me head'.

'Peter –'

'- No, listen for a minute would ya. Because I didn't believe I'd ever see you again, so to be able to talk to you - it means the world'. He paused considering whether or not he should continue. 'But I want more', he whispered with such a sultry tone to his voice. I shuddered. I wanted him... Or did I? I wanted comfort and protection, that was for sure. And who else could give me that other than him? As I opened my mouth, to respond, he crashed his lips against mine. It didn't take long for his tongue to slip inside my mouth, as mine mirrored his' movements. Both fighting for dominance - how it had always been. Heavy and delayed breathing coming from us both. It felt electrifying. But it couldn't go any further. Not now. Not today. Today had been eventful enough.

I pressed a hand to his chest. 'No, Peter', I said as his hands wandered and his lips moved from my lips and started sucking at my neck instead. 'Peter', I warned.

Hearing the sternness of my voice brought the movements kissing and caressing to an abrupt halt. 'Sorry', he said. And he did look genuine despite the overpowering desire that burned in his bulging eyes. I knew he was finding it incredibly difficult, as was I. It took so much self restraint not to want to him to pick up where we had left off.

'I better go anyway. It's getting late', I said, making my excuses. It would be easier this way.

'No, don't go', he begged. 'Please. Please, stay'. So I did. And we sat and talked; yet simultaneously avoiding to mention our burst of passion.

* * *

Peter's p.o.v:

We had been chatting the duration of the night, after I somehow managed to convince her to stay. She was getting tired. No surprise. The hysterical fit of tears she had earlier been in had worn her out. You could see it in her face. Black circles were forming under her eyes, too. Before long her head began to loll, eventually landing on my shoulder. The weight of her whole body pressing into mine. Glancing over, I saw her eyelids were firmly closed. 'Carla', I said quietly as I tried to wake her. Nothing. I must've forgot what a heavy sleeper she could be. Looking at the clock I saw it was late - well past midnight. Had we really been up all night chatting? Since Toyah's family and my son had moved in for the foreseeable, Carla would have to sleep in my bed. I'd suffer a night on the sofa for her. I'd suffer anything for her. I'd just have to work out how to get her upstairs without waking her.

* * *

I pulled back the covers on my side of the bed, before plonking her sleeping body on the mattress. Suddenly, she began to stir. Why now? Why now, after herding her up those stairs did she decide to wake? 'Shhhh', I whispered, 'go back to sleep'. Recognising my voice she mumbled in a groggy voice,

'Mmm Peter. Where am I?'

'Safe'. I paused before saying, 'that's all you need to know. Goodnight Carla', I said after tucking her in, pressing a soft kiss on the top of her head, like I had done for Simon many a time. I received no response from her. Assuming she had fallen back into a deep sleep, I headed towards the door.

'Oh, you not stopping?' she mumbled as she turned onto her side.

'I'm gonna sleep downstairs - on the sofa'.

'I'm not that out of practice, am I?' she chuckled. 'I know it was only a kiss. Well, two kisses. Perhaps I'm not as good as I used to be'.

Was she trying to torture me? She was good at that. And then here she lies in my bed teasing me in this way. It is just cruel. 'Don't be silly. I just didn't want to push my luck. Anyway, you don't want me Carla', I assured her.

'Wouldn't be too sure of that', came her response. And in that moment I could've quite happily jumped into bed next to her, but I didn't. She was vulnerable and I didn't want to be seen as taking advantage. If she had really wanted to, I would've known. Wouldn't I? Twice I'd tried to kiss her today, and twice she pulled away from me. This wasn't what she wanted, as much as it was what I wanted. 'Well if I'm not getting any action, you can at least cuddle me till I fall asleep again. It was your fault I woke up in the first place... chucking me on the bed like that. Call it compensation'.

'Nothing to do with how heavy you are', I jested, 'I'm surprised I made it all the way up the stairs with you in me arms'. I paused before considering her terms. Lying close to her would only intensify the desire I still bore for her. I wanted more, but perhaps I'd have to make do with a cuddle.

'Least you won't need to go for a "run" tomorrow. Workout done in five minutes', she giggled with her eyes still closed, determined to fall asleep again. 'You gonna get in beside me for a bit, or not?'

'I suppose I could do that', I said. I hopped on to the bed after kicking my shoes off. I lay on top of the duvet while my arms snaked around her. Holding her close to my own body. Her frame felt smaller than it had used to, making me wonder if everything was ok. I was getting the vague impression that what she had told me was only a scratch on the surface. What was _really_ going on inside her head? Perhaps that was why she kept blowing hot and cold with me. She was a bit lost in herself, yet she hadn't said why... 'Night, love', I whispered.

'Mmm', she grumbled as she began dribbling onto my pillow.

* * *

Once I was in the knowledge that she was fast asleep, I tiptoed out of the room. This time she hadn't awoke - thank god! As I stood on the landing, I glanced back at her sleeping form, wrapped up in my duvet. The sight was pretty, to say the least. Something I'd never imagine I'd see again. A smile crept up on my face as I closed the door behind me.

Once I was downstairs, I checked up on on the bar, making sure everything was as it should be. Nodding to myself, pleased at how clean and tidy it had been left by Liz. That meant an easy start tomorrow. I turned back on myself as I headed to the back room, finding a throw that had been hung over the back of the sofa. Snuggling in, as best as I could, on the sofa I thought of my bed. My cosy and comforting bed. And how much I wanted to be in it - with Carla... And before my thoughts ran wild with the notion that Carla Connor was upstairs, asleep in my bed, I too was out for the count.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thank you for the recent reviews! It has taken me absolutely forever to update this chapter, but this update is super long so hopefully that makes up for the delay.**

Chapter 6

Carla's p.o.v:

I was awoken by a raucous noise. Rubbing my eyes and blinking sleep out of them, I gathered my bearings. Now that I was alert, I realised where I was, as light pierced through the paper thin curtains. I could hear Simon rowing with Leanne which was loud enough to wake the whole street. Instantly I was reminded of yesterday's events of. A pang of guilt consuming me.

Yesterday had just been a disaster from start to finish – there was absolutely no denying that. And now, here I lay, in my ex-husband's bed.

Admittedly we hadn't slept together, but what did that matter? I still felt degraded at the fact I had slept in his bed. The bed he and his girlfriend shared. How could he not see how his actions were completely inappropriate. It felt wrong; but it simultaneously felt so right. I was so perplexed. Everything was so unclear, in my head.

I waited until the screaming died down, assuming that the coast was clear – no doubt Simon was well on his way to school by now, and Leanne was taking Oliver to a mother and baby group. Despite this certainty, I still cautiously crept downstairs.

Opening the door to the back room, I instantly spotted Peter curled up on the sofa. I sauntered into the room before shouting, 'Morning sleeping beauty'. My teasing brought him out of his trance as he shot up off the sofa.

Clearly startled he said, 'Jeez, Carla, you gave me a fright. I didn't hear you coming in'.

'Evidently'. I smirked.

'Sleep well?'

'Mmm', I hummed. 'I would ask the same, but judging by the lumps in that sofa I doubt there's any point in asking'. I paused before continuing, 'Thanks for last night… For putting up with me. I know it wasn't a pretty sight me crying on ya… And thanks for letting me stay'.

'Nothing I haven't seen before'.

'I mean it – thank you'.

'Well as we're being all candid, I've got something to say to you too. I just wanna apologise… For kissing ya. It probably couldn't have come at a worse time for you with all the stuff with your family. I don't want you to think I'm purposely trying to mess with your head –' I cut him off. I couldn't cope with a conversation as heavy as this. Not at this time in the morning.

'- Peter, it's alright. Yesterday wasn't the best day for either of us. It's already forgotten about… Mates?' I cringed at the question. Was I capable of being friends with a man? Not just any man, but, Peter.

'Mates', he muttered, sounding totally dejected. However, in attempt to keep the conversation going, he asked, 'Can I get you some breakfast?'

'No thanks. I'm not actually very hungry. I think I'm just gonna get off'.

'Aww no, you can't go without having a coffee'.

'No, I really ought to get off. I've got a lot to sort out'.

'I suppose you do'. He didn't realise there was so much more to what was going on in my life. He thought he knew all my problems. If only he knew…

'Anyway, I wouldn't want to still be here when Toyah gets back'.

'I wouldn't worry about Toyah; she knows the score… I mean she knows we've got history'.

'Right'. As if I didn't feel guilty enough. 'Well, I'll see you around', I said as I sidled closer to the door.

'I hope I do'.

'Bye then'.

As I walked out of the back entrance of the pub, I was totally unaware of Michelle's presence.

'Hey you!' she shouted from afar, as she careered towards me in her six inch heels. 'Where did you get off to last night? We were all really worried when you just ran off like that. We didn't hear from you all night. Did you not get my messages?'

'Sorry, love, phone was on silent', I excused.

'And I've just come out of Roy's to check you were alright, but he said he hadn't seen you since yesterday morning. He is just as worried as I've been!' Oh god. Poor Roy. Why was I so selfish? My actions always seem to effect other people. I'd need to go see him and make it up with him.

'I suppose I'll have some explaining to do then'. I grimaced as I wondered how I'd get round this one.

'Carla, are you sure everything's alright?'

'Yeah', I lied. 'Anyway, I better get going'.

'If you need anything –'

'Thanks Chelle', I said as I brushed shoulders with her, heading in the direction of the café.

* * *

The knot in my stomach tightened as I entered the café. Hearing the door swing open, inviting a blustery gust of wind into the warmth of the café, provoked Shona to look up from her work station. Standing behind the counter as she smiled directly at me.

'Hi Carla'.

'I'm looking for Roy…'

'Yeah, he's upstairs. He will be glad to see you. He's been freting over you'.

'Do you mind?' I asked as I gestured to the stairs that led to Roy's flat.

'Oh don't mind me', she smiled.

'Roy', I called out as I began the jaunt upstairs. 'Roy, love, it's me, its Carla'.

'Carla! Goodness, I am glad that you're alright'. He appeared flustered. 'I do not want to appear to be keeping a record of your outings, but I feel a tad responsible for your welfare while you are under my roof. Without meaning to interfere, I just want to ask… Where have you been meandering?'

So I told him. I told him about my cock up with the Connors and also where I spent the night. I told him the truth – a concept that was often perverse to me. 'Now, please tell me if I'm encroaching on your private life, but what is going on with you and Peter?'

'I keep asking myself that, Roy. I don't know… Its complex. It is driving me crazy. More to the point, he is driving me crazy. I just wish he'd be straight with me. I'm not in the right mind for silly mind games – I've got too much to think about. I've always had feelings for him, we both know that, and I'll always be drawn to him. But I don't need this now'.

'I agree. I'm also relieved that you're thinking of your own wellbeing, for once'.

'Yeah', I sighed. 'I'm gonna head over to the medical centre later and get registered with a GP there, then make an appointment as soon as'.

'I think that's very wise'.

'Thank you. I'm glad you laid into me the other night. You gave me the reality check I've been needing'.

'Glad to be of service', he said in his usual blunt manner. 'I did fear where you had got to last night'.

'I'm sorry Roy. I didn't mean to worry you'.

'I do worry about you Carla. I care about you very much… Anyway, the day is ticking away so I must get back downstairs and help to assist Shona. Will you be alright?'

'Of course'. I smiled, squeezing his arm before he headed out of the room. I had things to be getting on with. Hopefully I'd begin to stop feel so guilty if I managed to distract myself with idle tasks.

* * *

Peter's p.o.v:

I had been feeling numb as soon as Carla had left. My thoughts had been totally overpowered by her. Instantly I was infatuated with her. It was like the switch had been turned back on and boom… I was head over heels in love with her all over again. It was just as intense as those feelings when I fell for her for the first time. And while my mind briefly flickered at the image of my girlfriend, I didn't feel guilty over the feelings I possessed for Carla. I felt resentment that I wasn't a free agent; that Toyah wasn't the lady with the sparkling almond shaped eyes; or the sun kissed skin; or the well-conditioned brunette locks; or the plumped and pouted lips.

Her image was in my head all day. Even when I was sat in the living area of my home, attending to my caffeine addiction, when Toyah peeked her head round the doorframe, grinning widely at me. There was certainly nothing wrong with us in her mind's eye.

'Hello you', she sung.

'Hi, love'.

'Miss me?'

'Oh yeah'. I lied – what a shock.

'How's your friend?'

'If you're referring to _our_ surrogate, then yes, Jacqui's fine', she snapped. I just nodded, not wanting to start an argument that could go on for days. I couldn't be bothered. She paused before wittering on again. 'You been for your run this morning?'

'Yeah went as soon as I got up. Had a shower once I got back, so I'd feel fresh for opening up the bar'. Another lie.

'Why don't I get Liz in this afternoon to cover your shift, we could go into to town for a lunch, a bit of shopping… Baby shopping?' He eyes bulged as she finished her sentence. She was so desperate for a baby, but not just that… She was desperate for me to share her excitement. How I wish I could.

'That would be nice, but I can't. Sorry, love'.

'Why not?'

'Well what kind of example are we setting the staff if the boss is skiving so he can have a bit of time with his missus, hmm? Anyway, we can't ask Liz to come in this afternoon – she was doing the close shift last night'.

Looking rather defeated, she said, 'Was she? Oh ok'.

'Another time though, ey?' I lied, while simultaneously trying to keep the peace between us. I didn't have any energy to be rowing with her. Rowing with Toyah was the worst because usually it often resulted in us not speaking for days on end. The silence was torturous.

'Yeah', she said, 'I've got loads of jobs I could be getting on with in here anyway. This place is needing a bit of a spruce up'.

'Alright, love', I said as I pecked her cheek. Oh god, I actually felt repulsed being affectionate towards my girlfriend – of all people! In that moment I had wished Carla was standing where Toyah was. 'Right then, lots to do', I stated as I ambled through to the bar, ready to set up.

* * *

The day was in full swing, as the pub began filling up as the dinner hour descended. I was working alongside Eva and between the two of us we were swiftly attending to our customers' orders. And before long, there was no one left to serve. In an accomplishment, we high fived one another, just messing about and chatting for a brief moment. However, wanting to keep busy, Eva moved on to clearing tables that were no longer occupied. No doubt in case we had another mad rush. Good thinking, I thought as I grabbed a cloth from the sink area behind the bar and started wiping down the surface of the bar. As I stood alone, I heard the door swing open. Glancing up, I saw it was Carla and Michelle. Extremely pleased to see her, I grinned at her.

'Hey Carla!' She smiled, though more subtly than I had.

'I'll get these. Why don't you go and find us a booth, Car' Michelle said.

'No no, both of you take a seat and I'll bring them over. What will it be, OJ and a red wine?' I asked as I tried to be as accommodating as possible. Anything for Carla. And I noticed she looked tired. Black bags encircled her eyes. Maybe she hadn't slept as well as she'd let on. I mean it was an unfamiliar bed. I knew myself, I never slept well in other people's beds. Nothing like your own. I guess I had that luxury to look forward to tonight.

'Oh right… Erm yeah, that's right. Thanks very much, Peter', Michelle said, sounding surprised at my offer. They both turned away before taking up a boot directly opposite from the where I stood, behind the bar, preparing their drinks. I frequently gazed up at Carla making sure that she wasn't just a figment of my imagination. That she was genuinely sat in my pub. Again. I noticed she too kept grabbing moments when Michelle went to check her phone, to glace at me. I wondered what was running through her mind as her eyes met mine from where she took up a seat.

* * *

Carla's p.o.v:

'There we go, ladies', Peter said charismatically as he brought the drinks to our table. 'One red wine', he said placing the glass in front of Michelle. 'And one orange juice for you, m'dear', he flirted as he handed my juice. Could he have made that anymore obvious?

'Here, while you're round this side of the bar, I'll just pay for these now', I said.

'You will not', he insisted as he shook his head in refusal of payment. 'These are on the house', he said before shouting, 'enjoy', as he returned behind the bar. Michelle looked totally dumbfounded, and who could blame her?

'Well that was… Odd'. I knew she'd have something to say.

'It was nice'.

'Bit strange though, practically giving away his profits'.

'For a red wine and an orange juice. Michelle, get real', I snapped before pausing. Seconds later the pair of us had burst into a fit of laughter.

'Alright alright, fair point. I just think it's a bit weird. Does this mean he's giving all the people he's ever had a crack at in the past a free drink?'

'If he does, he'll be out of business in no time', I winked at her.

'Do you know what else I find a bit odd?' she asked, changing the subject.

'No but I'm sure you're going to tell me'.

'How comes he knew you'd order a glass of orange juice? I mean anyone who didn't _know_ would have immediately assumed you'd be after a glass of red'.

I winced as she was clearly referring to the 'pregnancy' that she'd wrongly deduced. 'That's because he knows', I whispered hoping nobody was listening in.

'Peter does?' I nodded. 'Well how?' she paused before she started bombarding me with questions. 'How would he know? Oh god, Carla. He's not the dad is he? I thought you'd have learned… And everything he put you through!' She did get a tad carried away, at times.

'Michelle, you've got it all wrong'.

'So how does he know?'

'Because we chatted'. We also did a bit more than chat, but I wasn't willing to tell anyone that. Accept for Roy. He was the only confidant I had. 'Remember when he served us a few days ago? And I nipped through the back to speak to him?' She nodded, eagerly. 'Well we were just catching up on lost time. Anyway, to put a long story short, we've agreed to try being friends'.

'Since when did Peter do friends with women?!' she laughed.

'Since I came back', I winked at her before glugging the remains of my juice.

'Want another?'

'Go on then. One more and then I'll get off', I said. I had things I needed to be getting on with. More important things than drinking orange juice. Almost automatically, Michelle collected our empty glasses before heading up to the bar. Ever the barmaid I thought to myself, smirking as I recollected the copious amounts of red wine Michelle had poured me... And in this very pub. I sighed, downtrodden, realising that another glass of wine may never pass my lips again.

As my mind was blurred by a multitude of thoughts, I was blissfully ignorant of a storm which had started brewing in the pub. That was the case, anyway, until Toyah came charging through from the back, evidently baying for blood. 'How dare you!' she screamed as she came hurtling towards me. I turned around to ensure it was actually me she was yelling at.

'Sorry? Are you speaking to me?'

'Oh don't act the innocent with me', she tutted.

'Care to tell me what I've done to upset you?'

'Oh I don't know… How about the fact you've slept with my boyfriend! I mean, I knew it wouldn't take you long, I've heard all about your track record!'

'I think you should get your facts right before you start accusing me of all sorts. You should probably quit now before you start embarrassing yourself'. How dare she accuse me. She doesn't know me.

'I beg to differ, Carla. Because when I went to change my bedding this afternoon, I wasn't expecting to find my bedsheets smelling of another woman… Because I certainly don't use that perfume. And I am practically chocking on the same scent from standing too close to you'.

'And you think that means I've been in your bed?'

'I think you and me both know the truth', she roared. Her face was a picture. Glancing round the room, I realised everyone's conversations had muted as they listened in. Not that they could help it, with the large uproar she'd caused. I looked towards the bar, noticing Peter coming round. Good, he'd be able to put her in her place… Seeing as I couldn't seem to talk her down. She made Leanne look like a pussy cat, and that wasn't something I thought I'd ever find myself saying.

'Toyah, love, why don't we talk about this in the back?' he asked, placing a hand on her arm. She soon shook his hand off her, screaming at him to get off her.

'There's no need for that!' she bellowed as she turned towards the bar. In the belief that she was storming back through into their living quarters, in a strop, I relaxed. However, suddenly, a gush of a wet, cold and sticky substance rained down on me, covering me head to foot.

'Urghhhhh!' I screamed, wiping beer from my eyes, no doubt smudging my eye makeup in the process. As I blinked my eyes open, I was met by a sneering Toyah who was towering over me after just having chucked a pint over me. She was definitely Leanne's sister; she was most definitely Janice's daughter. This was definitely Battersby 'style'. As if I wasn't shocked and embarrassed enough, I could not have foretold what was to come next… Michelle, who was still leaning on the bar, as she had been waiting to get served, snatched the nearest pint to hand.

'Hey, that's mine!' an annoyed Tim roared at her.

'I'll buy you another', Michelle retorted as she marched towards Toyah and I. Before I could stop her, Michelle had flipped as she screamed at Toyah, 'Oi, you! Over ere a minute!' And in a moment of madness she was throwing Tim's freshly poured pint over Toyah's head.

'How dare you!' she screamed at Michelle, before turning back to me. 'YOU! This is all your fault! Why did you have to come back?! Everything was perfect until you rocked up'. Embarrassed as a combination of tears and bear ran down her face, she ran off into the back room.

Instead of running after his girlfriend, Peter edged closer towards my beer sodden self. 'Are you alright love? Want to get yourself cleaned up through the back?' he asked. Horrified at what had just happened, I couldn't believe he was asking me through. Imagine if I agreed. I'm sure that would only encourage for another argument.

'No. I'm gonna go back to Roy's for a shower'.

'Right. Well I suppose I better speak to Toyah', he admitted to me.

'Good luck', I mumbled as he slunk off like Simon often did when he was in trouble.

'God Carla, what a state you're in! What a cow! What right does she think she has?!' Michelle raged, clearly on a roll.

'Chelle, keep your voice down – please!' I begged as everyone in the pub continued to look on. 'I think I've caused enough of a scene for today. Mind if we go? I'm oddly not really in the mood for another drink', I jested, attempting sarcasm.

'I can't blame you. Right let's get going, then', Michelle said as we neared towards the door.

'Ehhhh what about my pint?' Tim quizzed, not one to ever miss out on the offer of a free drink.

'Another time', Michelle said, practically disregarding Tim as we fled the pub. 'Cheeky sod', Michelle grumbled as we walked over the humps and bumps of the crooked cobbles.

'Well you did nick his pint'.

'Never mind that, Carla, I can't believe how calm you were in there. I was about to go for her on your behalf', she raged.

'I know. I saw. I was there', I retorted. I was just as disappointed in myself as Michelle was. I was a shadow of my former self. I never would've let anyone treat me like that. I had always been up for a slanging match. However, I couldn't and I hadn't. I was completely worn out. I was tired and I wasn't sure if I had any fight left in me.

'Suppose in your condition n' all, getting in a scrap is the last thing on your mind'. I cringed as I was reminded that I still had to put them straight. The Connors.

'Can't believe I'm gonna have to walk through the café looking like a wet rat. It'll be like doing the walk of shame', I said sullenly, pouting my lips.

'You don't have to, silly. Come back to mine and have a shower', she suggested.

'What about Robert?'

'What about him?'

'Will he mind? I mean, he won't be full of questions?'

'He probably wouldn't think ought of it…. He is a man after all', she giggled to which I mirrored. 'Anyway, you won't have to worry about him, babe, he's on shift at the Bistro'.

'Oh. Alright then. Thanks Chelle', I said as we continued the walk towards Victoria Court.

* * *

Today had been hectic to say the least. I was glad it was nearing to an end as I began preparing for bed. I was relieved to be spending the night under Roy's roof tonight.

I pulled back the duvet so that I could snuggle down and unwind, when a small smile crept up on my face as I found a hot water bottle tucked under the sheets. Roy, I thought. Oh Roy. The man who always thought about other people's comfort before his own

As I lay wide awake in the dark, unable to fall sleep, I began to mull over the day. And that also led me to appreciate how clean I felt as I lay snug beneath the duvet, heated by Roy's hot water bottle. Unlike earlier… When I was soaked through my clothes. Never had a shower felt so good. And best of all, I hadn't had to explain to Roy why I was drenched head to foot in beer. Honestly, you couldn't make up the things that happened to me. However, he did ask if I'd managed to accomplish the two tasks I had sworn I would have done by the end of play today.

Shit.

I had said earlier that I would. Yet, as always, my life was so unpredictable that I was distracted due to events out of my control. I mean, when was the right time to do that? After I had been drenched in beer certainly wasn't the right time, anyway. So I lied to Roy. I had to though, didn't I? As much as it pained me to lie to the most honest man in my life... But if I told him the truth, I'd have to tell him about Toyah going for me which resulted in a whole pint being poured over my head… It was too much effort having to go over everything in great detail. It was far too easy to lie, so that's why I did it. Because it was convenient – for me. And as always I was knackered. I needed to rest after the tiresome and eventful day I'd had. Yet, here I was, lying in bed and unable to drift off into a peaceful sleep. So my mind continued to waver over today's events... Never had I thought going for an innocent drink at lunchtime would result in being fought with by the landlady. You honestly couldn't make up half the things that happen to me.

As I lay alone, still fighting sleep, I had only my thoughts to keep me company. However, I was started when I heard my phone vibrating against the bed-side table. The impact of the buzzing perforated the wooden table. Picking up the phone, I squinted as my eyes adjusted to the blaring bright light. My home screen revealed that I had a new message. I unlocked my phone, opening my messages, curious to see who I might be from... Probably Chelle, I'd thought for a brief moment as the messages loaded. However I was wrong. I gasped as my home screen read **1 New Message from Peter Barlow.** My hands trembled and a knot in my stomach formed as I read his message. And this is what it read:

 **Carla, I can't tell you how sorry I am for shit kicking off today. I've never seen her react like that before. I've tried explaining to Toyah but she isn't having any of it. I am so disgusted by her behaviour, although she has had some terrible news, so that's likely what was upsetting her. Not that I am condoning her actions - far from it! In fact, I'm staying the night at Daniel and Adam's place – on the sofa… AGAIN… Of all places hahaha. Anyway, I suppose I just wanted to send you a message to make sure everything is okay your end? X**

Why did he have to be like this? So caring and endearing. Just like he had been way back in the early days of flirting and courting me. I'd been thinking lately, just how ordinary things have been between us.

Maybe we had needed time apart before we could be in one another's company again?

After thinking of what to respond, I replied:

 **Peter, please don't apologise! I hope you haven't had too much of berating. I am sincerely sorry to hear this, just a shame I had to be on the receiving end hahaha. Your back is gonna be in some state if you keep kipping on a different sofa every night! I hope you guys get things sorted out soon! Everything's fine here. Looking a sight better than when you last saw me!**

Seconds later, his response came bouncing back:

 **I think things are a tad more complicated than you might think. Good, glad someone's alright haha. Oh I don't know, you still managed to look beautiful. Anyway, I wanted to see if you'd be up for meeting up? We could maybe go for a coffee down the precinct like last time? X**

I was not impressed that he was attempting to flirt with me via text message. I wasn't having it. I also wasn't going to be his bit on the side, I'd been there and done that. Never again. And I most certainly wasn't going to be picked up and used when he and Toyah had a fall out.

So after some deliberation, I eventfully wrote back:

 **Peter, I don't think that's a good idea. You need to prioritise your relationship with Toyah. Until you've done that, I think its best we don't spend time together.**

Instead of waiting on a response from him, I turned my phone off, placing back on the bed-side table. I knew he'd be disappointed when he opens my message. He'd think I was being unfair... Maybe I was. But it was the right thing to do. I had to be strong for him. And myself. I couldn't give into temptation, so in order to do that I had to keep my distance... For a while. Yet it felt equally as wrong knowing that we wouldn't be spending time together for the next few days. The thought of it was killing me. Now that he was back in my life, albeit as a friend, I couldn't imagine even a day without Peter. He made me forget my problems while I was with him, even if it meant only forgetting for a few minutes. Time didn't matter. What did matter, however, was that he made me feel normal.

Without Peter I was just a woman with a kidney disease.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: In some ways, I guess this is a bit of a filler chapter. However, I felt I needed to include it as it sets up the next chapter nicely. Also, I didn't intentionally mean to involve Daniel in this chapter, but I felt it fit with the way I wanted things to go in this chapter. I'm so not keen on the Carla/Daniel pairing, but I may use him further down the line in this fic with my own take on their pairing.**

Chapter 7

Peter's p.o.v:

'Toyah', I called out as I entered the back room. 'Toyah', I repeated. There was no sight of her. However, I could hear sniffling, though. Curiously I followed the muffled cries which lead me behind the sofa. And there she was. Just sitting pathetically on the floor, hiding her head in her knees. 'There you are', I said as I joined her on the carpet, sliding onto my knees and feeling the carpet burn through my tough denim jeans. 'I think we need to… _talk'_. I cringed at how cliché it sounded, but I didn't know how else to put it… Because we did genuinely need to talk. For once in my life, I had to be honest.

'That's an understatement', she growled as she raised her head, glaring at me, eyes full of contempt.

'Sorry', I said hoping my words would provide her with some comfort.

'Are you?' she asked, extremely mistrusting my words… And who could blame her? 'I told myself that I wouldn't get jealous of _her_ ', she whispered. Although I wasn't sure if Toyah was directing her words to me, or if she was talking to herself... It was hard to tell. I guess I didn't know her as well as I'd thought. _Love can be blind_ , I thought to myself.

'She does have a name, y'know. She has feelings just like you and I do'.

'Oh don't I know that she's got feelings… Feelings for you!' she screeched.

'Are we really gonna do this? Look I was hoping we could discuss things like adults, but you're clearly not in a fit enough state to behave maturely', I said, getting extremely fed up that she was showing no signs of wanting to resolve things. So I stood up from my crouching position, and headed for the door. I was really struggling to even look at her.

'Wait!' she shouted. I halted on the spot. I turned around, noticing that she had risen from her position on the floor and had now pulled out a chair, gesturing for me to sit. I had a sudden change of heart after my brief outburst, I accepted the offer, plonking myself down on the hard oak dining chair. 'You're right. We need to talk', she said, 'because there's something you need to know', she sniffled as the took up a chair opposite me.

'I'm listening'. I folded my arms across my chest, releasing a sigh, hoping I wouldn't regret giving in to her demands.

'Today I got phone call - just before lunch… You were busy working and I couldn't find the right chance to grab your attention. I saw you charming Carla. I tried to put it to the back of my mind, I really did try. Then I went to put fresh sheets on our bed and I noticed the whiff of another woman on our bedsheets… I know it was her. Please don't try to tell me otherwise - I recognise the scent. And somehow my emotions managed to get the better of me... It just destroyed me when I came to the realisation that she must've slept in our bed the night I was away visiting our….' She faltered as her tears prevented her from continuing. In an attempt to comfort her, I placed a hand on top of hers. However, she slid her hand away and placing it on her lap, out of my reach.

'Toyah…' I didn't where to start; or what to say.

'Our baby's dead', she whispered.

What on earth was she talking about?!

'What? What did you just say?' Could I be sure she was telling the truth? 'Alright Toyah, I understand you're mad at me right now, but would you really stoop this low?'

'This is all her fault. Life was so good before she returned. Michelle must've told her you were back on the stre-'

'Toyah, ENOUGH!' I had well and truly lost my temper now. I was fed up with all these mind games and her insecurities. This couldn't continue. 'I told you, I'll walk out that door right now if you don't start telling me what's going on'.

'Jacqui, _our_ surrogate, phoned me at eleven today to tell me she was in hospital. She had been having severe stomach cramps. Turns out she's miscarried'. Her voice wobbled as she spoke, and soon enough the tears had returned. 'I mean I must have done something cruel in a past life to deserve this… I don't think I'll ever get the chance to be a mum', she wept. I couldn't quite believe what she was saying. 'And what hurts the most is that she had been totally fine the night before. I stayed over, we chatted, had a laugh. She seemed fine then. And then, between me leaving hers to when she phoned me from the hospital, that's when it must've started... The cramps, I mean'. I honestly didn't know what to say or how to comfort her… Especially when she wouldn't allow me to touch her.

'Sometimes these things… _just_ happen', I said.

'So I tell you that our surrogate has miscarried, and all you have to say is that _these things just happen?!_ I bet that's not what you told Carla when she lost your baby!' Low blow. She knew that would hurt me. I wasn't here to sit and be personally targeted and criticised over my past.

'That is irrelevant!' I screamed, intensely angered by the malevolent grin that spread across her face, realising she'd wounded me. 'And anyway, if you really wanna go down that route, why don't we also discuss the baby I lost with Leanne'. I paused for a moment as I gathered my thoughts. 'I'll admit that I'm far from perfect, but do y'know what? You really are vile… Do you realise how horrible you were to Carla? And for what? She hasn't done anything wrong… She hasn't said a bad word to you or about you. Y'know you could've had a good friend in Carla, but fat chance of that happening now. And do you know what? That's all because of you! You've managed to convince yourself that me n' her are at it behind your back but you couldn't have got it more wrong', I tutted. I was annoyed at myself for letting her get the better of me, but I was truly enraged. I'd never seen her behave like this until now. How could I have ever thought I loved a woman so full of hate?

'Go on then, I'm all ears', she spat back at me, angered by my rant. 'Why don't you tell this _vile_ human being what you've been up to', she screeched as she pointed at herself. She possessed a personal flaw which turned everything sour. It was an ugly part of her personality. A part of her I hadn't previously been exposed to.

'Last night, you know how I didn't go to Chorlton with you because we were short staffed?' She nodded, so I continued, 'well that was all true, that I can vouch for. Anyway, I went outside for five minutes to have a ciggie –' I knew I was bound to get cut off.

'I thought you'd quit?!' she confronted me.

'Yeah, that's what you thought', I responded before recounting the events of last night. 'I was out the back just minding me own business, before I know it Carla's standing in the back yard crying her eyes out. And she'd been so good to me earlier that day so I thought I'd return the favour', I paused for breath.

'What's that supposed to mean?'

'Oh well I should probably explain that too… You know my morning run?' she nodded. 'Well I'm not actually out for a run. I just wander the red wreck, the precinct and come back to the street in time for opening up the pub. Anyway, when I was wandering about the precinct the other day, I noticed Carla sitting on a park bench… She were just killing time. So we got chatting and went for a coffee. Y'know that nice one on Tile Street?'

'Peter, I can't believe I'm hearing this. It's like I've been living a lie... And all because of _her_ '.

'I know, but there's more. I really wanna be honest with you, put all the cards on the table. I don't want to leave you in the dark about anything, ok?' she nodded. 'So we were just shooting the breeze to begin with, catching up on lost time… But when you've had a connection with someone like Carla… I dont think that ever goes away. Sorry, I really don't mean to be insensitive'.

'Oh don't mind me', she silently wept, as tears slid down her puffy cheeks. 'Go on', she stated.

'Anyway, we got very personal very soon. Eventually we got very deep in our topics of conversation. This lead to me talking about you… About the baby', she squeaked in an attempt to supress her hurt. 'And well I told her I wasn't too keen on the thought of having a kid. I mean, I knew you wanted it, so I kind of just… I don't know, went along with it? I was quite happy as long as you were happy'.

'Oh but as soon as it started to get all too real you decided to back out?'

'I'm still sat ere, aren't I? Anyway, we'd just been sitting and chatting for god knows how many hours, but she had somewhere to be so we walked back to Coronation Street together… And I kissed her, ok? She didn't kiss me; I did. I made a move and she pushed me away. She gave me the brush off'. Toyah had miraculously managed to keep silent while I began to explain in more detail. 'However, when I saw her later that day, like I said, she were in a right state… So I invited her in the back. We'd been really quiet in the pub and I knew Liz would be alright if I left her to it, I mean she knows the job inside out, doesn't she?'

'Then what?' she asked, almost desperate to now know.

'We talked for a long time but there were no signs of her calming down, so to try and comfort her I kissed her'.

'Again?!' she raged. 'Twice in one day? Honestly Peter, do you have any self-control?'

'Not where Carla's concerned', I muttered, unable to look Toyah in the eyes.

'Evidently', she huffed and who could blame her? The last twenty four hours have been catastrophic, for her.

'I know this might not be much of an incentive, but we never slept together. I swear on me life. And I realise that my promises might not mean much to you right now, but I can swear by that. Toyah, I slept over there', I said as I pointed to the sofa.

'Oh and you think by telling me that, even if it is true… And that is a very big if, Peter, that I'll be grateful for such a small mercy'

'I'm so sorry Toyah'. There was a long pause. I wasn't sure if it was the end of the conversation. I wasn't sure if it was the end of our relationship.

Both of us as uncertain of where this left us, Toyah croaked, 'We're finished, aren't we?' This didn't require much of a response. I gaged the feeling that we both knew where this was headed.

'Yeah', I said, finally looking her in the eye. It was the least she deserved. I felt defeated while simultaneously feeling relieved. How many women had I let down now? Too many, that's for sure.

'Who was I kidding that I could ever compete with her', she scoffed, attempting to hold back the tears that flooded her eyes.

'Don't talk like that. It's not Carla's fault, is it? It's just circumstances…'

'I can't help how I feel'.

'I really think you ought to apologise to her, though'.

'Me apologise?! To the woman who has wrecked my life'.

'I told you. She hasn't done anything. If you want to blame anyone, blame me. Please. Please let Carla go', I begged her.

'I wish I could say the same to you', she muttered. I did all I could to pretend I hadn't heard that, but her words stung me. I understand that she was hurt after everything that had happened. No wonder she was so bitter. I just wish she'd leave Carla out of the mess I'd managed to cause. I was the only one to blame in all of this.

'Right, well I'll you stay ere. I'll just get a few of me things and I'll be gone', I said as I rose from my chair.

'How big of you', she retorted, crossing her arms across her chest, glaring at me with such resentment.

Not wanting to get angry again, I just said, 'I'll be back for the rest of my stuff soon'.

'Peter', she called out as my hand reached the door handle.

'Yeah?' I spun around. Seeing standing before, eye make-up staining her cheeks which really, for me, brought home the stark reality. I was walking out on her... Giving in. Suddenly, realising that my actions don't only affect me but also the people around me which caused name to feel a pang of guilt. I was officially starting to feel remorse. I'd managed to unintentionally inflict so much pain on her.

'You can't fix her; she can't fix you. She's poison. She'll drag you down to her level and destroy you all over again'. She was such a spiteful cow. It's not as if I was jumping from one woman to another - I wasn't even having an affair with Carla! I was just in love with her... And I needed her to know - properly this time! Completely enraged at Toyah's immaturity, I swung the door open before abruptly slamming it shut behind me, signalling the finality of our relationship.

* * *

Despite the warmth my coat provided, I was plagued by the winter chill on my face. The chilly breeze directed my aimless footsteps towards Adam and Daniel's flat.

Once I'd arrived I hastily pressed the buzzer repeatedly until I grabbed someone's attention. 'Who's there?' Asked a thick and husky Scottish accent.

'It's Peter, you gonna let me up?'

'Oh aye, women trouble?' he joked. He didn't realise it but he was spot on. No more was said between us as I was granted access into the boys' flat. Upon entering I noticed Adam sitting, eating a microwave meal for one at the table while he ploughed through an endless pile of paperwork. Did the boy ever stop working?!

'Alright, Pete', he said, not even looking up from his workload.

'I've been better… Mind if I stay the night?'

'Here? Why? You in the doghouse?'

'You don't know the half of it', I attempted a laugh as I took my coat off before taking up seat directly across from Adam, making myself at home.

'Try me', he said as he glanced up from his paperwork for the first time upon my arrival.

'We've split'.

'Pete, I'm sorry. Yeah yeah, course you can stay. It'll have to be on the sofa though'. He smiled sympathetically.

'I think it had run its course', I mumbled. 'Anyway, where's Daniel?' I asked desperate to change the subject.

'Bistro. He's working – won't be home until late', he responded while going back to the mountain of work he'd been going through before I had interrupted his evening.

* * *

I just couldn't get comfortable on the sofa. It had more lumps and bumps than the one back at the pub. My back would be done in if I kept sofa surfing. And I knew Adam and Daniel didn't have room for me. They didn't have room to swing a cat… Much like my old flat. The one I'd shared with Carla. A place which was reminiscent with good yet equally bad memories.

As I thought of my old flat, Carla began to float to the surface of my thoughts. And as I couldn't sleep, I thought it would maybe be worth texting her… Maybe she'd fancy meeting up tomorrow. I'd love nothing more than to sit her down and have a proper and honest talk, because up until now we'd been giving each other mixed messages.

To my surprise, she too must have been wide awake as we texted back and forth. However, I was disappointed to say the least, that she wasn't as enthusiastic to arrange a coffee date. I couldn't blame her. I brought chaos to her life. Unnecessary chaos. But that wasn't her reason for rejecting my invite, in fact, it was because she didn't want to come between Toyah and I. Fat chance of that happening now. I just had to get that across to Carla without her feeling like I was on the rebound, hours after finishing things with Toyah. It took me a good thirty minutes to come up with a message that I was happy to send. And this is what it read:

 **Carla, that's why I need to see ya. Me and Toyah, we've had a serious discussion… If you could call it that. Anyway, I'll be brief with the details but we've decided to split up. Things have been a tad fragile for a while now. I just feel like I would really benefit from your friendship. No one gets things the way you do. And I know as of late I've probably bored ya with the intricacies of my life, but I'd be really grateful if you had the time to hear me out again. And I won't lie, because it's exhausting keeping up a pretence – I can't imagine a day without you. So please, think about it.**

 **Sorry for all the bother I've caused you! And secondly, sorry for the most longwinded response… I hope you'll forgive me for the latter haha. X**

I had waited for a reply from her, but nothing came. I glanced at the time display on my phone. 11:50 PM. No doubt she was fast asleep. How I wished I could drift off but it was unbearable on this sofa. I'd definitely need to book into a B&B somewhere tomorrow night because there was no way I was suffering another night on another sofa. No way.

I must have fallen asleep, although I was completely oblivious of when and how I had managed to do so. I realised this when Adam came crashing into the living room cheery as ever, the widest grin spread across his face. 'Morning', he said as he made his way to the kettle, flipping the switch. All he received from me, initially, was a grunt. I hated mornings. I'd need about three cups of black coffee before I could officially allow my day to commence. 'I hope there's enough water in that kettle for a coffee for me as well'.

'Of course', Adam responded as he spooned the coffee into the cafetiere before filling it to the brim with the freshly boiled water. As he did this one of the bedroom doors flung open, bouncing off the hinges. 'Always likes to make a dramatic entrance', Adam joked as Daniel now joined us in the living room. He was rubbing his eyes as he became accustomed to the brightness of day which illuminated the living area.

'Am I seeing things properly? Or am I still dreaming?' he asked Adam in reference to me, sitting on their sofa, with nothing but a sleeping bag to hide my decency.

'Did you not see him when you got in last night?'

'Mustn't have seen him in the dark. Although, I was on a mission to get to my bed as soon as I got in. Work was mad last night', Daniel admitted. 'Anyway, what you doing here? Not that it isn't a pleasure to wake up and see my big brother sitting in my living room in nothing but a sleeping bag wrapped around his privates', Adam and I laughed at his good humour.

'Well, I-'. I was cut off immediately by Adam who was desperate to reveal all.

'Him and his missus have called it a day', Adam smirked, almost revelling in my bad news.

'You and Toyah?' I nodded.

'Listen I'm fed up discussing the goings on of my failed relationship… Do you mind if we talk about summat else?' To which Adam and Daniel were quite happy to do so for which I was eternally grateful.

'Want a coffee?' Adam directed his question towards Daniel, as he began pouring scorching coffee into mugs.

'No thanks. I'm gonna grab a takeaway coffee from Roy's and then I'm heading into town. It's my day off and I've got a first edition copy of _Pride and Prejudice_ reserved at that antique book shop dad took me to last week'.

'Ooooooh bookshop', Adam teased and I laughed. Daniel and our dad were certainly father and son. Where did they get me from?

 _'Goodbye_ Adam', he said, ignoring his taunts. 'See ya Peter', he acknowledged me as he grabbed his wallet and coat before exiting the flat.

* * *

Carla's p.o.v:

I still hadn't turned my phone on. I couldn't bear to turn it on, almost certain that there would be a message from Peter waiting for me to open. No doubt making some grand gesture or even worse, begging me to see him. And if I read it, I'd be able to hear his voice pleading me, while envisaging his pleading puppy dog eyes. And I'd cave. So it was easier to avoid the likely message which sat in my inbox.

I was impressed with how productive I'd been this morning. It was just gone 9:45 AM and I'd already been at the medical centre, making up for the tasks I failed to do yesterday. Already feeling like I'd managed to accomplish great things, despite it only small and menial tasks. I walked with a spring in my step back to Roy's. I hadn't felt this positive in a while. No all I had to do was-

'Offffft!' my train of thought was put on hold as I literally bumped into a tall and gangly man. 'Watch where you're going', I moaned as I looked up and was met by Daniel Osborne. Peter's brother. I really couldn't escape the Barlows. They were everywhere.

'Sorry, Carla!' He seemed startled to see me. Which was odd. We'd been chatting over the festive period when I'd been in to see Chelle at work. So why did he appear so frosty with me? 'I must have been miles away', he said.

'Ditto', I said, 'Just as much my fault, I suppose. You should count yourself lucky, I don't often admit my own faults'. He released a deep chuckle, seeming to relax the more I chatted. 'I don't suppose you're rushing off anywhere?' I asked to which he shook his head. 'Alright then. Want to go in for a coffee?' I asked as I pointed to the door to Roy's. 'My treat', I offered.

After a brief hesitation, he smiled, looking rather pleased at the idea. 'Well I'm not doing anything. I've not got anything important planned, anyway'.

* * *

We'd been sitting in the café at a table for two, drinking coffee and chatting. I was never one for friends… So what I was doing here talking to Daniel, I had no clue… But anyway, here I was. Oddly, while he was nothing like Peter in neither looks nor mentality, which I had managed to deduce within thirty minutes of intense conversation. He was extremely confrontational. I felt like I was under questioning by a police officer. I was physically sweating at some of the questions he demanded from me… And for some odd reason I gave them to him. Truthfully and wholeheartedly.

'So why is it you've come back then?'

'When you've lived a glamorous lifestyle on Coronation Street, nothing quite matches up to the luxury… Not even the tranquil beaches of Devon', I joked as I took a gulp of coffee, allowing him to contribute to the conversation.

He paused for a moment. I was feeling the silence had created a stilted atmosphere, especially as I didn't know him that well. It gradually became more awkward as he tilted his head to the side, eyeing me up, no doubt trying to guess what I was thinking. He was a brainbox after all. 'So…', he said, pausing. Again. 'You're not back for my brother?' He pensively asked. I intended to defend myself.

'No', I retorted. 'Anyway, he's with Toyah'.

A confused look donned his face. 'Oh you haven't heard?'

'Heard what?' He was talking in riddles, enjoying the fact that he had had information on Peter. 'He's not back on the drink, is he?' I panicked. If he had, I would start feeling responsible for his relapse. The grief I've caused him just by being his friend… Well, if you could call us _friends_. I know that's what I'd told him in our text conversation, but I think both us knew that it would be impossible to keep up pretences.

'Oh no, nothing like that', he admitted as he shook his head. 'Him and Toyah have split up'. He grinned as he practically revelled in his brother's misery. 'So you gonna make a move?'

'No, I didn't say that did I?' I asked rhetorically, while managing to condescend him – much to his annoyance. 'Sorry, Daniel, I didn't intend on it coming out the way it did. Its just a bit more complicated than that, isn't it?'

'But you don't think it's impossible… That you might rekindle, eventually?' He was so nosy. Did I know if I could trust him? After a while of stalling, I realised there was no way out of this question. Even for me. The top liar couldn't blag her way out of this one.

'Well… Hmm. How do I put this?' He could tell I was beginning to open up. I could gage this from his body language, and he leaned in towards the table, out of eagerness or curiosity… It was hard to tell. 'It wasn't what I intended. I didn't come back for Peter; he wasn't what I was looking for. I didn't know what it would be like, three years down the line, seeing him again. Yet, here I am sitting with you – his brother – talking about it. Talking about him. I can't help but feel that we were destined to part on such bad terms, then go to not seeing each other for several years, and now to be where were are with each other. It is so good, we're in a good place with one another. I just don't want to rock the boat. If I finally give in to Peter, I fear everything will go downhill. I don't want to ruin the bridges we've managed to rebuild in such a short space'. Daniel, looking just off my shoulder while his cheeks flushed, as he dragged his chair back, screeching against the linoleum. 'Daniel?' I asked, perplexed by his sudden movement.

'I'm sure it'll sort itself out... In time. Carla, it's been nice chatting, but there's somewhere I need to be', he said getting up and rushing off. Then, suddenly, a large hand pawed at my shoulder. I recoginsed the hand. It wasn't bony and feminine like Chelle's or Maria's. It was a man's: rounded and strong all the way from the palm through to the tips of the fingers. The grip loosened as they drew in towards me, standing so close to me that I couldn't even strain my neck round, to get a glimpse of the 'mystery man'. Not that I needed to. I was pretty sure who it was. And my thoughts were confirmed when he, whose hot breath I could feel blowing against my neck as he whispered in my ear, 'Think it's time we had that chat, don't you?' He walked around the table and took up the seat Daniel had happily been sat in before he fled in a flurry... It is likely Peter overheard our conversation, or fragments of it. No wonder Daniel scarpered quickly. Sitting with his arms crossed as he smirked, looking extremely satisfied; lust clearly expressed through his dilated pupils as he bore his eyes into my own. That's when I knew that he'd heard just about enough of my confession... The confession where I admitted that I still carried a torch for him. So the satisfied expression on his face didn't surprise me in the slightest, likely inflating his ego. And I had been blowing hot and cold, so he was probably relieved to finally hear how I feel, despite that I wasn't directing these details directly to Peter. Maybe it was time I was honest to him. I was just frightened of giving in. I didn't want a repeat of our past. But then, as I stared into his eyes, I was filled with memories. Good and bad. When Peter and I were good, we were great; and when we were at our worst, we were destructive. Too similar for our own good. Sighing as I ran my hand through my hair, still in disbelief that he'd likely heard me exposing my feelings to Daniel. Nevertheless, I still asked him, 'How much of that did you hear?'

'Enough', he uttered back to me, still smirking at me. Cocky as ever. 'I know you wanted space from me, but can we _talk?_ Are you ready?'


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Carla's p.o.v:

'Looks like I haven't got much choice', I muttered, 'but not ere. Can we go somewhere else?'

'Sure', he eagerly responded, 'you name a place and that's where we'll go'.

'This might take some time… I realise we've got a lot to talk about'. I sighed as I was reminded of the emergency appointment that I'd been assigned at the medical centre. Apparently I was a "priority patient". Looked like I'd be missing that then. And this is where Peter became an issue; I was unable to live a life without chaos consuming my every day. While he was the best thing to come from my past – which was certainly saying something – he still managed to disrupt the calm which had entered my life since moving to Devon. But I attracted tumult - it is part of who I am. I was a glutton for punishment. 'Upstairs?' I asked motioning towards the door connecting the café to Roy's flat.

'Erm', he paused, 'wont Roy mind?' He was evident hesitant of my suggestion.

'He's working', I blurted, desperate to get this over with. 'I can't tell him not to pop upstairs, Peter. It's his home, I'm just his temporary lodger'. I saw the look on his face. I recognised it; the look of disdain when he wasn't getting his own way. He wanted us to re-enact our "coffee date" down at the Precinct. But that wasn't appropriate in this situation. We had to be in private in order to be as honest as possible. Ha, hark at me being so frank… Oh the irony. 'Look, I'll _politely_ ask if he'll stay clear, but I'm not making Roy feel unwelcome in his own home – no way! Take it or leave it Peter'. Realising this was my final offer, and clearly adamant to talk to me, he nodded… It was a very hesitant nod, but albeit a mutual agreement was made.

Roy, having been very understanding and as accommodating as ever, had no hesitations to giving Peter and I a bit of privacy.

I inhaled a deep breath as I reached the top of the stairs, mainly out of exhaustion. Something I'd begun to get accustomed to in the last few months. As I stood on the landing, I could see the back of Peter's head as he lounged on the sofa as he awaited my presence. I could feel anxiety consuming me in mind and body; I was terrified. And how couldn't I be? What would happen? The last time I was in a room with Peter, alone, we kissed. NO. We _passionately_ kissed. We both knew it. That's why I'd told him we needed space. But instead of space, here we were. Together. Again. However, instead of standing here, allowing these thoughts to dominate me, I really ought to be telling him.

 _Time to face the music, Carla._ I exhaled, plastering a smile on my face as I strutted into the living room.

* * *

'Right', I said as I sat next to him, angling my body towards him as I sat next to him.

'Right', he echoed. 'I would ordinarily say ladies first, but I really think I ought to go first'.

'I think you're right… Although I think Daniel brought me up to speed before he scuttled off'.

'I'd rather you heard it from me. The truth and the whole story', he admitted before asking, 'what exactly did Daniel tell you?'

'I think you heard', I said, trying to press on and got to the crux of what had gone on. 'Just that you and Toyah have broken up… That's it', I admitted.

'That's it?' He sighed before adding, 'well it's a bit more complicated than that… I finished it with her, but she knew it was coming to an end… She'd just been trying to hold out for a while longer, especially with the baby –'

'Peter, I don't want to sound conceited, but I hope you haven't split up with her because of me. Y'know, I don't think I'd be able to live with myself if I became the reason for your break-up, destroying the family unit you'd started to build...', I prattled on.

'Will you just listen to me? I've said already, it's a bit more complicated than that. I was gonna have to finish with her at some point, especially with you being back', he admitted as he grabbed one of my hands which had been resting on my lap, in an attempt to comfort me as I allowed him to explain without any interruptions.

'You can't say things like that to me'. He ignored this comment as he started to stroke the back of my hand.

'Anyway, we argued; then we talked a bit once she'd calmed down and it was then that she told me she'd found out that Jacqui – that's our surrogate – had a miscarriage'. Admitting this, he began to slide his fingers in between mine, interlocking them. If he hadn't been delivering such bad news perhaps I would've appreciated it all the more, just by the soft touch of his hands. He still had that Midas affect on me... Despite all that had happened.

'Oh Peter', I whispered. I could totally empathise with Toyah. I knew how that felt. I knew how she'd be feeling. I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone. 'that's awful… No wonder she was so erratic'.

'You're such a good person; you always see the good in people', he uttered.

'I can just remember how I felt when it was me', I whispered. I received no reply, but what could he say? Anyway, this wasn't the time for bringing up not so fond memories. As if he wouldn't be feeling bad enough. 'Come here', I said as I held out my arms for him to embrace. He dived towards me, gripping my t-shirt as I created a barrier around his frame, with my arms, in an attempt to make him feel secure. No doubt he was feeling so vulnerable - that I could relate with too. Before long I was rubbing firm circles on his back, expecting the tears to start flowing. But nothing. 'Peter?' I said as I pushed him away, in order to look him in the eye. 'You know you are allowed to grieve'.

'I know – and I want to. But I feel numb about what's happened. I feel like it wasn't even my baby, like this has happened to someone else. I don't know why I feel like this. I've felt this way since the beginning of Jacqui's pregnancy. Perhaps it's because it's unlike any pregnancy I've ever been involved in. I felt so disconnected to it, and that was before it was born. I don't feel like I'd prepared myself for how different this would be... While its tragic news, I can't help feel it was for the best'.

'You can't talk like that'. I was shocked at his harsh attitude towards the subject. Perhaps in a few days when the dust settles and the stark reality of the situation sinks in, he'll begin to express genuine emotion. 'You just need to give yourself some time...'

* * *

I wasn't aware of how long we'd been sat in Roy's living room, but so far there had been no interruptions. Perhaps we hadn't been sitting like this for as long as I was imagining. Maybe I was feeling this way as our topics of conversation had swiftly moved on. We were now discussing me... About how I felt; about how he felt, too. I was finding this a particularly difficult predicament to be in.

'I am aware that you heard everything I said to your brother… So I suppose there's no point in me repeating myself. But I just want you to get one thing straight: I'm not looking for a relationship right now. That's not what I need', I confessed. He frowned as he tried to digest this information. 'Peter, what did you think would happen? That you'd finish things with Toyah and we'd fall passionately into bed together? I paused before reminding him, 'What you've been through is the last twenty-four hours is awful. I can imagine your head is buzzing as it tries to process everything. You need some headspace to mull over everything'.

He managed to avoid part of my protestation, acknowledging only the parts that seemed to interest and concern him. 'But I heard you tell Daniel that it would only be a matter of time before you caved in. Admit it Carla, you're tempted-'

'Yes I am tempted. That is why I didn't want to have to see you face-to-face for a few days. I needed time to think. And yet here we are. And its likely I will feel like this the more I see you. However, I'll be honest, I cant imagine a single day without you in it. But like I've just said, a relationship isn't what I want, nor what I need. And I don't think its what you need either, darlin''.

'You're just as complex as the day you walked into that AA meeting... Some things never change', he whispered. Maybe he'd hoped I hadn't heard him - I couldn't be sure - but I had. And he _was_ right. 'Why can't you you just give in to it? I'm willing to', he admitted. I felt like I was having dejavu as he mumbled these words.

'Peter, I'm not gonna keep repeating myself… I'm fed up with this conversation'.

'What if we were to take things slow?' he suggested, almost pleaded with me.

'Peter!' I shouted, starting to lose my rag. He really was a chancer. Either this was an immediate rebound or he was serious. The signs for both had been there. And somehow, as he sat next to me, begging, I almost felt persuaded to give him a chance, despite telling him otherwise… woman's prerogative. 'Peter', I repeated, though this time I remained calm. 'I don't think you're thinking straight darlin', and I think you're just running to me because it gives you a sense of security. I don't want you to regret it _if_ the chance ever arose. I think its too soon'. However, I had hinted that it was a possibility, which he held onto - tightly.

'That's why I suggested we take things slow. So how about it?' he questioned in a flirtatious manner. 'You make me feel safe', he muttered. The very words I'd said to him only days ago. Things were already progressing too quickly, and I wasn't sure if I was ready to make a big commitment. I had so much else to be focusing on rather than rebuilding a relationship with my ex-husband. But as I looked into his eyes, his chocolate brown orbs examining me, no doubt trying to gage my reaction… He knew I was close to resisting. After all, I wore my heart on my sleeve.

'You know the feelings mutual', I uttered as my head hung. Not in shame, but in defeat. He wasn't going to stop until he'd worn me down. And I was getting gradually closer to giving in.

'Alright', I exclaimed, beginning to tire of his attempts. His persistent attitude reminded me of a conversation me and Simon once had... About Peter's ability to blag his way through life. 'Slow', I sighed, annoyed that he had gotten the better of me.

'Well you could try and sound a bit happier, couldn't ya?' he half joked. I looked at him, rolling my eyes at his drole comment.

'You weren't giving me much choice. I've been trying to fight this since I saw you… When I came back'.

'That makes two of us'. He smiled briefly as his thumb resumed to stroking the skin on the back of my hand. 'Proves your not as hard hearted as some are lead to believe', he joked. However, I was determined in keeping it sensible on my part... I still had a few things to get off my chest.

'I just didn't expect it to happen so rapidly. For my feeling for you to come rushing back'. He was about to respond but I cut him off while placing a forefinger on his lips to shush him. I hadn't finished. I was just getting started. 'I just… I think I'm scared. I've been scared of letting go and giving in to how I really feel. My chest feels like it might rip apart if I were to see you with another woman, but I also don't want us to be parters. Just like that', I said whilst clicking my fingers. 'Like nothing had ever happened... Previously. I think its easier this way… If we we're serious… About… Getting back together – eventually – that we do take things slow. If we want to make a real go of _us_ , then we've got to learn from our past mistakes. Both of us'. I looked directly at him as I concluded my long winded 'speech'. He nodded rather enthusiastically in agreement. I just hoped to god he wasn't just telling me what I wanted to hear. 'Okay so lets clear up a few things, shall we? We take things slow; we don't put a label on whatever _this_ is until we've worked it out; we spend enough time together – alone; and most importantly, we don't let on to anyone… And I mean _anyone_. Its too soon for anything too heavy. You've only just split up with your girlfriend... You still need to work out if this is what you want'.

'Oh I know exactly what I want', he reassured me as lust seeped through his tone. 'You', he whispered. 'So I'm willing to do whatever you want. Anything to prove how much I want to be with you'.

'You do realise I'll remind you, you said that?' I smirked, feeling we'd taken a step forward in resolving the sexual tension which filtered the air. 'Right then', I said smiling at him.

'Right', he responded. It appeared we were drawing to the end of our 'discussion'. 'So what now?' he asked. I liked that he was putting the ball in my court. He was taking my lead, going as slow as I wanted to take things... That would surely earn him some extra brownie points.

'Now you let me know when you're free?' I suggested. He smiled, looking fairly content despite the tumultuous twenty-four hours he'd just endured.

'That I can do', he jested. It was my turn to smile. 'Right well I'm gonna need to get a place sorted out for tonight', he informed me. I was hoping that wasn't a hint because there was no way I was allowing that to happen. I said we'd take things slowly and slowly it would be, for the foreseeable.

'Okay well good luck', I said, attempting to be dismissive. He rose from his place on the sofa, I mimicked his movements and followed him as he headed to the door.

'Come here', he said after opening the door, opening his arms out. I rushed into them, loving the way his arms snaked round my waist. As if no one's arms belonged there but his.

'Well this is nice', I hummed. He pulled away, sliding his hands down so they rested on my hips. I gaze at him, happy he had somehow persisted and managed to convince me that we could give things another go. In time. He beamed at me, confirming he must have been thinking along the same lines.

'Right, well, I better be going', he stated. I nodded before he jumped back into conversation, 'I'll text you later', he said before he drew in towards me as he pecked my cheek. As he pulled away, he looked at me to check that he hadn't made a move too soon. 'Sorry, that wasn't too soon, was it?' he asked self-consciously.

'Peter we've already kissed. Twice. So I don't think a kiss on the cheek is pushing it in the slightest', I retorted, smirking at the sensitive side to his personality.

'I just wanted to –'

'Peter, it's fine', I reassured him. 'Next time you can kiss me… Properly… If you're lucky'. I winked at him, noticing his eyes practically bulge with excitement.

'Well in that case, I shall have to brush up on me chat up lines if I want to get in the lady's good books', he joked as he stepped out onto the landing. I chuckled as I enjoyed the flirty mood we'd ended on. Oh how the conversation as well as the atmosphere had altered...

'I'll hold you to that', I flirted as I watched him descend the stairs. He glanced up at me before I was out of his sight, cheekily winking back at me.

* * *

I was smiling until he was out of sight. As soon as he was gone, fear began to reside within me. Fear over a number of things: of Peter, of my illness, of the lies I'd told since returning home. I'd managed to be the most honest with Peter. However, there was one major thing I'd avoided discussing. Something which was bound to unfold... Especially the more time we spent together as we attempted to redevelop our "relationship". Soon enough he'd discover something wasn't quite right. He maybe wouldn't be able to pinpoint what it was, but it was bound to all come out in the wash. The truth always did. Eventually he would find out that I had a kidney disease. I didn't want to tell him further down the line, once he'd gotten in too deep to discover that I'd kept this from him. I needed to tell him, but it wasn't just the sort of thing you casually drop in to a conversation. I didn't want to us to fail before we'd even begun to start over again. I had to tell him. And soon. Before he began to hate me for the lies I'd told.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Thank you for the recent reviews! It has taken me absolutely forever to update this chapter, but this update is super long so hopefully that makes up for the delay.**

Chapter 6

Carla's p.o.v:

I was awoken by a raucous noise. Rubbing my eyes and blinking sleep out of them, I gathered my bearings. Now that I was alert, I realised where I was, as light pierced through the paper thin curtains. I could hear Simon rowing with Leanne which was loud enough to wake the whole street. Instantly I was reminded of yesterday's events of. A pang of guilt consuming me.

Yesterday had just been a disaster from start to finish – there was absolutely no denying that. And now, here I lay, in my ex-husband's bed.

Admittedly we hadn't slept together, but what did that matter? I still felt degraded at the fact I had slept in his bed. The bed he and his girlfriend shared. How could he not see how his actions were completely inappropriate. It felt wrong; but it simultaneously felt so right. I was so perplexed. Everything was so unclear, in my head.

I waited until the screaming died down, assuming that the coast was clear – no doubt Simon was well on his way to school by now, and Leanne was taking Oliver to a mother and baby group. Despite this certainty, I still cautiously crept downstairs.

Opening the door to the back room, I instantly spotted Peter curled up on the sofa. I sauntered into the room before shouting, 'Morning sleeping beauty'. My teasing brought him out of his trance as he shot up off the sofa.

Clearly startled he said, 'Jeez, Carla, you gave me a fright. I didn't hear you coming in'.

'Evidently'. I smirked.

'Sleep well?'

'Mmm', I hummed. 'I would ask the same, but judging by the lumps in that sofa I doubt there's any point in asking'. I paused before continuing, 'Thanks for last night… For putting up with me. I know it wasn't a pretty sight me crying on ya… And thanks for letting me stay'.

'Nothing I haven't seen before'.

'I mean it – thank you'.

'Well as we're being all candid, I've got something to say to you too. I just wanna apologise… For kissing ya. It probably couldn't have come at a worse time for you with all the stuff with your family. I don't want you to think I'm purposely trying to mess with your head –' I cut him off. I couldn't cope with a conversation as heavy as this. Not at this time in the morning.

'- Peter, it's alright. Yesterday wasn't the best day for either of us. It's already forgotten about… Mates?' I cringed at the question. Was I capable of being friends with a man? Not just any man, but, Peter.

'Mates', he muttered, sounding totally dejected. However, in attempt to keep the conversation going, he asked, 'Can I get you some breakfast?'

'No thanks. I'm not actually very hungry. I think I'm just gonna get off'.

'Aww no, you can't go without having a coffee'.

'No, I really ought to get off. I've got a lot to sort out'.

'I suppose you do'. He didn't realise there was so much more to what was going on in my life. He thought he knew all my problems. If only he knew…

'Anyway, I wouldn't want to still be here when Toyah gets back'.

'I wouldn't worry about Toyah; she knows the score… I mean she knows we've got history'.

'Right'. As if I didn't feel guilty enough. 'Well, I'll see you around', I said as I sidled closer to the door.

'I hope I do'.

'Bye then'.

As I walked out of the back entrance of the pub, I was totally unaware of Michelle's presence.

'Hey you!' she shouted from afar, as she careered towards me in her six inch heels. 'Where did you get off to last night? We were all really worried when you just ran off like that. We didn't hear from you all night. Did you not get my messages?'

'Sorry, love, phone was on silent', I excused.

'And I've just come out of Roy's to check you were alright, but he said he hadn't seen you since yesterday morning. He is just as worried as I've been!' Oh god. Poor Roy. Why was I so selfish? My actions always seem to effect other people. I'd need to go see him and make it up with him.

'I suppose I'll have some explaining to do then'. I grimaced as I wondered how I'd get round this one.

'Carla, are you sure everything's alright?'

'Yeah', I lied. 'Anyway, I better get going'.

'If you need anything –'

'Thanks Chelle', I said as I brushed shoulders with her, heading in the direction of the café.

* * *

The knot in my stomach tightened as I entered the café. Hearing the door swing open, inviting a blustery gust of wind into the warmth of the café, provoked Shona to look up from her work station. Standing behind the counter as she smiled directly at me.

'Hi Carla'.

'I'm looking for Roy…'

'Yeah, he's upstairs. He will be glad to see you. He's been freting over you'.

'Do you mind?' I asked as I gestured to the stairs that led to Roy's flat.

'Oh don't mind me', she smiled.

'Roy', I called out as I began the jaunt upstairs. 'Roy, love, it's me, its Carla'.

'Carla! Goodness, I am glad that you're alright'. He appeared flustered. 'I do not want to appear to be keeping a record of your outings, but I feel a tad responsible for your welfare while you are under my roof. Without meaning to interfere, I just want to ask… Where have you been meandering?'

So I told him. I told him about my cock up with the Connors and also where I spent the night. I told him the truth – a concept that was often perverse to me. 'Now, please tell me if I'm encroaching on your private life, but what is going on with you and Peter?'

'I keep asking myself that, Roy. I don't know… Its complex. It is driving me crazy. More to the point, he is driving me crazy. I just wish he'd be straight with me. I'm not in the right mind for silly mind games – I've got too much to think about. I've always had feelings for him, we both know that, and I'll always be drawn to him. But I don't need this now'.

'I agree. I'm also relieved that you're thinking of your own wellbeing, for once'.

'Yeah', I sighed. 'I'm gonna head over to the medical centre later and get registered with a GP there, then make an appointment as soon as'.

'I think that's very wise'.

'Thank you. I'm glad you laid into me the other night. You gave me the reality check I've been needing'.

'Glad to be of service', he said in his usual blunt manner. 'I did fear where you had got to last night'.

'I'm sorry Roy. I didn't mean to worry you'.

'I do worry about you Carla. I care about you very much… Anyway, the day is ticking away so I must get back downstairs and help to assist Shona. Will you be alright?'

'Of course'. I smiled, squeezing his arm before he headed out of the room. I had things to be getting on with. Hopefully I'd begin to stop feel so guilty if I managed to distract myself with idle tasks.

* * *

Peter's p.o.v:

I had been feeling numb as soon as Carla had left. My thoughts had been totally overpowered by her. Instantly I was infatuated with her. It was like the switch had been turned back on and boom… I was head over heels in love with her all over again. It was just as intense as those feelings when I fell for her for the first time. And while my mind briefly flickered at the image of my girlfriend, I didn't feel guilty over the feelings I possessed for Carla. I felt resentment that I wasn't a free agent; that Toyah wasn't the lady with the sparkling almond shaped eyes; or the sun kissed skin; or the well-conditioned brunette locks; or the plumped and pouted lips.

Her image was in my head all day. Even when I was sat in the living area of my home, attending to my caffeine addiction, when Toyah peeked her head round the doorframe, grinning widely at me. There was certainly nothing wrong with us in her mind's eye.

'Hello you', she sung.

'Hi, love'.

'Miss me?'

'Oh yeah'. I lied – what a shock.

'How's your friend?'

'If you're referring to _our_ surrogate, then yes, Jacqui's fine', she snapped. I just nodded, not wanting to start an argument that could go on for days. I couldn't be bothered. She paused before wittering on again. 'You been for your run this morning?'

'Yeah went as soon as I got up. Had a shower once I got back, so I'd feel fresh for opening up the bar'. Another lie.

'Why don't I get Liz in this afternoon to cover your shift, we could go into to town for a lunch, a bit of shopping… Baby shopping?' He eyes bulged as she finished her sentence. She was so desperate for a baby, but not just that… She was desperate for me to share her excitement. How I wish I could.

'That would be nice, but I can't. Sorry, love'.

'Why not?'

'Well what kind of example are we setting the staff if the boss is skiving so he can have a bit of time with his missus, hmm? Anyway, we can't ask Liz to come in this afternoon – she was doing the close shift last night'.

Looking rather defeated, she said, 'Was she? Oh ok'.

'Another time though, ey?' I lied, while simultaneously trying to keep the peace between us. I didn't have any energy to be rowing with her. Rowing with Toyah was the worst because usually it often resulted in us not speaking for days on end. The silence was torturous.

'Yeah', she said, 'I've got loads of jobs I could be getting on with in here anyway. This place is needing a bit of a spruce up'.

'Alright, love', I said as I pecked her cheek. Oh god, I actually felt repulsed being affectionate towards my girlfriend – of all people! In that moment I had wished Carla was standing where Toyah was. 'Right then, lots to do', I stated as I ambled through to the bar, ready to set up.

* * *

The day was in full swing, as the pub began filling up as the dinner hour descended. I was working alongside Eva and between the two of us we were swiftly attending to our customers' orders. And before long, there was no one left to serve. In an accomplishment, we high fived one another, just messing about and chatting for a brief moment. However, wanting to keep busy, Eva moved on to clearing tables that were no longer occupied. No doubt in case we had another mad rush. Good thinking, I thought as I grabbed a cloth from the sink area behind the bar and started wiping down the surface of the bar. As I stood alone, I heard the door swing open. Glancing up, I saw it was Carla and Michelle. Extremely pleased to see her, I grinned at her.

'Hey Carla!' She smiled, though more subtly than I had.

'I'll get these. Why don't you go and find us a booth, Car' Michelle said.

'No no, both of you take a seat and I'll bring them over. What will it be, OJ and a red wine?' I asked as I tried to be as accommodating as possible. Anything for Carla. And I noticed she looked tired. Black bags encircled her eyes. Maybe she hadn't slept as well as she'd let on. I mean it was an unfamiliar bed. I knew myself, I never slept well in other people's beds. Nothing like your own. I guess I had that luxury to look forward to tonight.

'Oh right… Erm yeah, that's right. Thanks very much, Peter', Michelle said, sounding surprised at my offer. They both turned away before taking up a boot directly opposite from the where I stood, behind the bar, preparing their drinks. I frequently gazed up at Carla making sure that she wasn't just a figment of my imagination. That she was genuinely sat in my pub. Again. I noticed she too kept grabbing moments when Michelle went to check her phone, to glace at me. I wondered what was running through her mind as her eyes met mine from where she took up a seat.

* * *

Carla's p.o.v:

'There we go, ladies', Peter said charismatically as he brought the drinks to our table. 'One red wine', he said placing the glass in front of Michelle. 'And one orange juice for you, m'dear', he flirted as he handed my juice. Could he have made that anymore obvious?

'Here, while you're round this side of the bar, I'll just pay for these now', I said.

'You will not', he insisted as he shook his head in refusal of payment. 'These are on the house', he said before shouting, 'enjoy', as he returned behind the bar. Michelle looked totally dumbfounded, and who could blame her?

'Well that was… Odd'. I knew she'd have something to say.

'It was nice'.

'Bit strange though, practically giving away his profits'.

'For a red wine and an orange juice. Michelle, get real', I snapped before pausing. Seconds later the pair of us had burst into a fit of laughter.

'Alright alright, fair point. I just think it's a bit weird. Does this mean he's giving all the people he's ever had a crack at in the past a free drink?'

'If he does, he'll be out of business in no time', I winked at her.

'Do you know what else I find a bit odd?' she asked, changing the subject.

'No but I'm sure you're going to tell me'.

'How comes he knew you'd order a glass of orange juice? I mean anyone who didn't _know_ would have immediately assumed you'd be after a glass of red'.

I winced as she was clearly referring to the 'pregnancy' that she'd wrongly deduced. 'That's because he knows', I whispered hoping nobody was listening in.

'Peter does?' I nodded. 'Well how?' she paused before she started bombarding me with questions. 'How would he know? Oh god, Carla. He's not the dad is he? I thought you'd have learned… And everything he put you through!' She did get a tad carried away, at times.

'Michelle, you've got it all wrong'.

'So how does he know?'

'Because we chatted'. We also did a bit more than chat, but I wasn't willing to tell anyone that. Accept for Roy. He was the only confidant I had. 'Remember when he served us a few days ago? And I nipped through the back to speak to him?' She nodded, eagerly. 'Well we were just catching up on lost time. Anyway, to put a long story short, we've agreed to try being friends'.

'Since when did Peter do friends with women?!' she laughed.

'Since I came back', I winked at her before glugging the remains of my juice.

'Want another?'

'Go on then. One more and then I'll get off', I said. I had things I needed to be getting on with. More important things than drinking orange juice. Almost automatically, Michelle collected our empty glasses before heading up to the bar. Ever the barmaid I thought to myself, smirking as I recollected the copious amounts of red wine Michelle had poured me... And in this very pub. I sighed, downtrodden, realising that another glass of wine may never pass my lips again.

As my mind was blurred by a multitude of thoughts, I was blissfully ignorant of a storm which had started brewing in the pub. That was the case, anyway, until Toyah came charging through from the back, evidently baying for blood. 'How dare you!' she screamed as she came hurtling towards me. I turned around to ensure it was actually me she was yelling at.

'Sorry? Are you speaking to me?'

'Oh don't act the innocent with me', she tutted.

'Care to tell me what I've done to upset you?'

'Oh I don't know… How about the fact you've slept with my boyfriend! I mean, I knew it wouldn't take you long, I've heard all about your track record!'

'I think you should get your facts right before you start accusing me of all sorts. You should probably quit now before you start embarrassing yourself'. How dare she accuse me. She doesn't know me.

'I beg to differ, Carla. Because when I went to change my bedding this afternoon, I wasn't expecting to find my bedsheets smelling of another woman… Because I certainly don't use that perfume. And I am practically chocking on the same scent from standing too close to you'.

'And you think that means I've been in your bed?'

'I think you and me both know the truth', she roared. Her face was a picture. Glancing round the room, I realised everyone's conversations had muted as they listened in. Not that they could help it, with the large uproar she'd caused. I looked towards the bar, noticing Peter coming round. Good, he'd be able to put her in her place… Seeing as I couldn't seem to talk her down. She made Leanne look like a pussy cat, and that wasn't something I thought I'd ever find myself saying.

'Toyah, love, why don't we talk about this in the back?' he asked, placing a hand on her arm. She soon shook his hand off her, screaming at him to get off her.

'There's no need for that!' she bellowed as she turned towards the bar. In the belief that she was storming back through into their living quarters, in a strop, I relaxed. However, suddenly, a gush of a wet, cold and sticky substance rained down on me, covering me head to foot.

'Urghhhhh!' I screamed, wiping beer from my eyes, no doubt smudging my eye makeup in the process. As I blinked my eyes open, I was met by a sneering Toyah who was towering over me after just having chucked a pint over me. She was definitely Leanne's sister; she was most definitely Janice's daughter. This was definitely Battersby 'style'. As if I wasn't shocked and embarrassed enough, I could not have foretold what was to come next… Michelle, who was still leaning on the bar, as she had been waiting to get served, snatched the nearest pint to hand.

'Hey, that's mine!' an annoyed Tim roared at her.

'I'll buy you another', Michelle retorted as she marched towards Toyah and I. Before I could stop her, Michelle had flipped as she screamed at Toyah, 'Oi, you! Over ere a minute!' And in a moment of madness she was throwing Tim's freshly poured pint over Toyah's head.

'How dare you!' she screamed at Michelle, before turning back to me. 'YOU! This is all your fault! Why did you have to come back?! Everything was perfect until you rocked up'. Embarrassed as a combination of tears and bear ran down her face, she ran off into the back room.

Instead of running after his girlfriend, Peter edged closer towards my beer sodden self. 'Are you alright love? Want to get yourself cleaned up through the back?' he asked. Horrified at what had just happened, I couldn't believe he was asking me through. Imagine if I agreed. I'm sure that would only encourage for another argument.

'No. I'm gonna go back to Roy's for a shower'.

'Right. Well I suppose I better speak to Toyah', he admitted to me.

'Good luck', I mumbled as he slunk off like Simon often did when he was in trouble.

'God Carla, what a state you're in! What a cow! What right does she think she has?!' Michelle raged, clearly on a roll.

'Chelle, keep your voice down – please!' I begged as everyone in the pub continued to look on. 'I think I've caused enough of a scene for today. Mind if we go? I'm oddly not really in the mood for another drink', I jested, attempting sarcasm.

'I can't blame you. Right let's get going, then', Michelle said as we neared towards the door.

'Ehhhh what about my pint?' Tim quizzed, not one to ever miss out on the offer of a free drink.

'Another time', Michelle said, practically disregarding Tim as we fled the pub. 'Cheeky sod', Michelle grumbled as we walked over the humps and bumps of the crooked cobbles.

'Well you did nick his pint'.

'Never mind that, Carla, I can't believe how calm you were in there. I was about to go for her on your behalf', she raged.

'I know. I saw. I was there', I retorted. I was just as disappointed in myself as Michelle was. I was a shadow of my former self. I never would've let anyone treat me like that. I had always been up for a slanging match. However, I couldn't and I hadn't. I was completely worn out. I was tired and I wasn't sure if I had any fight left in me.

'Suppose in your condition n' all, getting in a scrap is the last thing on your mind'. I cringed as I was reminded that I still had to put them straight. The Connors.

'Can't believe I'm gonna have to walk through the café looking like a wet rat. It'll be like doing the walk of shame', I said sullenly, pouting my lips.

'You don't have to, silly. Come back to mine and have a shower', she suggested.

'What about Robert?'

'What about him?'

'Will he mind? I mean, he won't be full of questions?'

'He probably wouldn't think ought of it…. He is a man after all', she giggled to which I mirrored. 'Anyway, you won't have to worry about him, babe, he's on shift at the Bistro'.

'Oh. Alright then. Thanks Chelle', I said as we continued the walk towards Victoria Court.

* * *

Today had been hectic to say the least. I was glad it was nearing to an end as I began preparing for bed. I was relieved to be spending the night under Roy's roof tonight.

I pulled back the duvet so that I could snuggle down and unwind, when a small smile crept up on my face as I found a hot water bottle tucked under the sheets. Roy, I thought. Oh Roy. The man who always thought about other people's comfort before his own

As I lay wide awake in the dark, unable to fall sleep, I began to mull over the day. And that also led me to appreciate how clean I felt as I lay snug beneath the duvet, heated by Roy's hot water bottle. Unlike earlier… When I was soaked through my clothes. Never had a shower felt so good. And best of all, I hadn't had to explain to Roy why I was drenched head to foot in beer. Honestly, you couldn't make up the things that happened to me. However, he did ask if I'd managed to accomplish the two tasks I had sworn I would have done by the end of play today.

Shit.

I had said earlier that I would. Yet, as always, my life was so unpredictable that I was distracted due to events out of my control. I mean, when was the right time to do that? After I had been drenched in beer certainly wasn't the right time, anyway. So I lied to Roy. I had to though, didn't I? As much as it pained me to lie to the most honest man in my life... But if I told him the truth, I'd have to tell him about Toyah going for me which resulted in a whole pint being poured over my head… It was too much effort having to go over everything in great detail. It was far too easy to lie, so that's why I did it. Because it was convenient – for me. And as always I was knackered. I needed to rest after the tiresome and eventful day I'd had. Yet, here I was, lying in bed and unable to drift off into a peaceful sleep. So my mind continued to waver over today's events... Never had I thought going for an innocent drink at lunchtime would result in being fought with by the landlady. You honestly couldn't make up half the things that happen to me.

As I lay alone, still fighting sleep, I had only my thoughts to keep me company. However, I was started when I heard my phone vibrating against the bed-side table. The impact of the buzzing perforated the wooden table. Picking up the phone, I squinted as my eyes adjusted to the blaring bright light. My home screen revealed that I had a new message. I unlocked my phone, opening my messages, curious to see who I might be from... Probably Chelle, I'd thought for a brief moment as the messages loaded. However I was wrong. I gasped as my home screen read **1 New Message from Peter Barlow.** My hands trembled and a knot in my stomach formed as I read his message. And this is what it read:

 **Carla, I can't tell you how sorry I am for shit kicking off today. I've never seen her react like that before. I've tried explaining to Toyah but she isn't having any of it. I am so disgusted by her behaviour, although she has had some terrible news, so that's likely what was upsetting her. Not that I am condoning her actions - far from it! In fact, I'm staying the night at Daniel and Adam's place – on the sofa… AGAIN… Of all places hahaha. Anyway, I suppose I just wanted to send you a message to make sure everything is okay your end? X**

Why did he have to be like this? So caring and endearing. Just like he had been way back in the early days of flirting and courting me. I'd been thinking lately, just how ordinary things have been between us.

Maybe we had needed time apart before we could be in one another's company again?

After thinking of what to respond, I replied:

 **Peter, please don't apologise! I hope you haven't had too much of berating. I am sincerely sorry to hear this, just a shame I had to be on the receiving end hahaha. Your back is gonna be in some state if you keep kipping on a different sofa every night! I hope you guys get things sorted out soon! Everything's fine here. Looking a sight better than when you last saw me!**

Seconds later, his response came bouncing back:

 **I think things are a tad more complicated than you might think. Good, glad someone's alright haha. Oh I don't know, you still managed to look beautiful. Anyway, I wanted to see if you'd be up for meeting up? We could maybe go for a coffee down the precinct like last time? X**

I was not impressed that he was attempting to flirt with me via text message. I wasn't having it. I also wasn't going to be his bit on the side, I'd been there and done that. Never again. And I most certainly wasn't going to be picked up and used when he and Toyah had a fall out.

So after some deliberation, I eventfully wrote back:

 **Peter, I don't think that's a good idea. You need to prioritise your relationship with Toyah. Until you've done that, I think its best we don't spend time together.**

Instead of waiting on a response from him, I turned my phone off, placing back on the bed-side table. I knew he'd be disappointed when he opens my message. He'd think I was being unfair... Maybe I was. But it was the right thing to do. I had to be strong for him. And myself. I couldn't give into temptation, so in order to do that I had to keep my distance... For a while. Yet it felt equally as wrong knowing that we wouldn't be spending time together for the next few days. The thought of it was killing me. Now that he was back in my life, albeit as a friend, I couldn't imagine even a day without Peter. He made me forget my problems while I was with him, even if it meant only forgetting for a few minutes. Time didn't matter. What did matter, however, was that he made me feel normal.

Without Peter I was just a woman with a kidney disease.


End file.
